I am not a joke, but may be a fool
for I have taken more rejection from you
than I ever assumed I could
I am not a joke, but may be a fool
for I have blinded my eyes to the truth
when it was honesty that I needed
I am a fool, but not a joke
for I have taken all that I can
you need to become the man
I am a fool, but not a joke
for I've decided to take the walk
away from you and your excuses
You are the joke, I was the fool
but no longer will I stand by
holding onto your empty promises
You are the joke, I was the fool
today I take my final stand
with bags in hand, I walk
A contest entry
- "Prewrites " + Plus by wingsofgold25.
600 points, ended November 20, 2008, 66 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Ever been here?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
This is realy good liked it very much I thought the last line realy made the poem.
Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest. -
dang. a very strong ending. like making a statement
I did think the repetition hurt it a bit, but not too much.
overall, this was a very good and well written poem -
Ouch. I like this quite a bit. The raw emotion is strong and comes through clearly in this write. The only thing that I might offer is in the third line you have used "then" and I think you may have intended "than".
I might also suggest using honesty instead of the second usage of "truth" in the second stanza.
Otherwise, very nicely done! Good luck in the contest!
:-) -
-
thanks for pointing those out. I appreciate the criticism. it just makes you a stronger writer in the long haul. thanks also for the compliments, you'll find the changes there...yours, mandie
-
-
This is excellent!! I can feel the pain and hurt!! You did a wonderful job expressing ur emotions!! Well done sis!!
-
Deep hurt and emotions it seems the prompt brought out.
Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
