stellar asterisks
reflect the winter skies
nestled far into the billow
moonbeams coat naked bubbles
dressed in violet nightgowns
dance with me under the moonlight
until the clouds shatter
and the rains pour on peppermint skin
dampened by coral kisses
floating on
a timeless blanket
I'll never come back down
from counting the stars
in your eyes.
Author notes
Prompt: counting stars
I know the title is cliche right? But it really seemed to fit. Couldn't help it. You know :] thanks Ylova, this was just what I needed. Please let me know when you have more prompts! :]
A contest entry
- Yepsidoodle! It's time for another Quickie ^_^ by chilali.
625 points, ended November 15, 2008, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
don't fade now
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
-
Love lives!
-
Impossible
A blessing in my life every time I will read this I'll read this lots it really convey's nothing to me it just captivates me and weak and tired are the moments it brings to me A meditation ya! great I'll be using this as a daily meditation
O big glee =p
-
well said, congrats on the silver
-
-
ah lovley
do not ever climb down from the stars
-
I love the description in this. It's very tender. ^^
-
reminds of "Dancing in Black Velvet" one of mine...
This is fantastic! What a great job you did on this one! I love it!
Congrats on the Silver!
and love
Nyetta
-
This is very beautiful. Definatly one of my favorites. [:
-
A great write. To me love is generally something like "floating on a timeless blanket" and "counting stars" in someone's eyes. And don't worry for the title being a cliche. You've got original imagery: "stellar asterisks
reflect the winter skies
nestled far into the billow" and the free rhythm give the poem a romantic but vivid personality.
-
-
exactly, I don't know how anyone can call the poem itself cliche when it's not. I've never heard the term peppermint skin before, I'm very original and people are just used to reading things a certain way. -sigh-
-
-
Nice write. Congrats on having the poem featured in the "In the spotlight" section on the front page of the site and for the silver trophy it netted.
-
Beautiful, romantic...I love it!
Congratulations on the Silver...well deserved.
Annie
-
Congratulations. I find it hard to find the right title sometimes, and when something fits it fits.
Very soft and colorful scene you've created here.
-
awe
i loved it.
"
moonbeams coat naked bubbles
dressed in violet nightgowns
dance with me under the moonlight
until the clouds shatter
and the rains pour on peppermint skin"
I couldn't chose a better time to get online i love this poem. It is very cliche, which i just so happen to crave and love so very much.
I needed a great read, thank you.
hah
your imagery ate my heart open
-
Oh my, just lovely, gorgeous, sensual!!! I love the imagery and description, the way your poetry flirts with the senses is delicious. Most people get sick of that mushy "stars in your eyes" cliche love-sticky poem but you made this so unique, maybe it was the line "Until the clouds shatter and the rains pour on peppermint skin" that did it for me A very etheral write. Ahh, my emotions are all over the place like a pinball machine...wonderful job.
~ Ink 
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
-
Hmm... You have some nice content over here... But some phrases were just too cliche... maybe just like the 'dance with me under the moonlight'
The ending too was an old repeated idea, however you turned it quite naturally into an influencing one.. I have read many ideas where poets spot there moon in 'her' eyes, many a times I do... But never cared to count stars... LOLZ
Anyhow, nicely done... Well deserving cup...!!
Congratulations.
Thanks for sharing.
.The Pole Star.
-
Very good
Lots of metaphors. They make it sound very majestic, and fun to read. -
Very 'other-worldly' . Almost like being there.
-
congrat's on this whimsical and lovely piece of poetry
Love, Lane
-
So Beautiful to read ,great emotion being expressed through your words .
-
wow a very emotional write. it brings out such emotion within me. i really loved it you wrote it so beautifully.....
you have so much talent, thanks a lot for sharing this piece.
-
I liked it
Some criticism: your poetry becomes too formulaic at times, imo
'adjective noun, adjective, noun'
and a tie in at the end
I wanna see you majorly change up your style
I think itd be cool
PS. forgot to clap -
that was amazing ^^. awesome job
-
Superb
Ah, 'tis a fine write, indeed. You've expressed your thoughts quite clearly. Thanks for sharing this one with us. -
believe it or not I read it earlier. I just didn't comment, and it was beautiful as usual and a well deserbed trophy for your penmenship.
-
-
oh and I love you
you're worth more than anything!
-
or however the eff you spell that word....pen man ship
-
-
thank you
but i meant the newer one XD
-
-
-
This poem was absolutely amazing and very rich with emotion and imagery. I felt like I was in the stars or atleast counting them Congratulations on the silver trophy in my opinion it deserved Gold! God bless you always in everything you do and write and keep up the excellent work.
-
this poem is really good
-
This was so beautiful!
I have nothing bad to say about it, and everything is wonderful.
I am truly never disappointed when I read your stuff, keep up the fantastic work!
-
This such a great write. I love the words and the imagery! Just one thing..Rule No. 7 - No pictures allowed. Haha. But yes. This is a lovely write with great imagery. And you are welcome
Hehe. Thank you for entering and good luck
-
Stunning write
I love the use of all your words especially
peppermint skin,violet nightgowns,timeless blanket
Wish you all the best in this contest
Julie
-
I love how you personified this, brought it home, so to speak-great job and good luck to you lol
-
Sweet and wonderful. It has a calm tune to it that just drew me in and made me sink in the meaning.
You say the title is off? I think it complements the poem.
Good luck.
~Noor
-
lovely dreamy write
lovely images and a dreamy feel,
very imaginative,
good luck in the contest,
best wishes,
Isabella -
Beautiful, elogant, i'm sure the intended viewer (and there always is one with a poem of this nature) feels damn special, i told you you had talent, and pulling at a persons heart strings with an amazing write is among your many.
Adding your comment:
1 - 37 of 37
