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Pushed to the edge

In this deep darkness I say it loud,
I can see the light but its vanishing out,
It's getting darker, darker in every millisecond,
I think now it's getting under my skin.

Crying doesn’t help
Nor does shouting out my lungs,
Nobody seems to understand,
Not even myself, What’s going on?

Every leaf is falling apart,
From that beautiful green tree,
It's looking alone & old now,
Is autumn season for real?

This road leads to somewhere,
A place where I belong,
I have seen forest, darkness and seasons on both sides,
But I will walk it all along.

A child cries from inside.
Waiting for a shelter to form
A place where my love, once lived.
A place which is called Home.

A contest entry

Can u relate to the feelings here?

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • Michael Pastore
    May 26
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    Powerful and haunting

    Thanks for the review that brought me here! There are powerful emotions here. I like the 'autumn' stanza than connected the season to decay and change, then the final stanza which brings it all together beautifully. The 'near rhymes' (assonance?) and the faltering rhythm just add to the effect!


  • spideracer gold member
    December 6, 2008

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    No place like home sweet home, beautiful poem written with pleasant emotions. I too say nicely done.


  • Angelo di Luce gold member
    November 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Written in a nice style, conveying so much to he reader
    Nicely done


  • victorbuhagiar
    November 22, 2008

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    Who can bear inner worry? Your walk through the darkness of natyre leads to light and where there's light, there's home. Great imagery.


  • exceptforthis
    November 16, 2008

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    this was a really warm poem, i found that you managed a kind of linear storyline, from this darkness to the sanctuary of home, but with a bittersweet quality nonetheless. very interesting! thanks for your entry and good luck!


  • stavykm gold member
    November 16, 2008

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    Just Beautiful,, Your imagery is excellent in this peace. Oh the seasons of change in nature as well as in our own lives. Oh wow that inner child just desiring to be home. Oh I know when things are just so difficult nothing seems to help. But you ended in your poem in which it is something I'm personally working on. Is finding rest within a healthy inner child in which to find my restful home within myself as a adult weathering through this life in nature and in personal life. OH I LOVED THIS ONE. Best wishes in the contest.

    Blessings
    Much Love
    Kelle Marie

    Just trying to get caught up on returning the favor. Please forgive me for I got so behind...


  • rbruce gold member
    November 14, 2008

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    A longing for inner peace and tranquility that is elusive seems to be the subject of this piece of poetry.
    Never give up and have faith in yourself, peace will come in time. Well expressed and presented and an interesting read.


  • Lowell Poe
    November 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is quite amazing lass,
    so different from mine...written in a way only you can convey with forthright beauty...
    the message ...or meaning of the piece is one in the same with mine...
    we are on the same wave length ...
    trying to get back home !
    That is a long story Susan......
    but it can be so much relate to this piece.
    The third stanza is exquisite....
    Reality questioned is asked only by the very wise....
    The theme of.....will we ever get there......
    rings through my heart.
    Stunning piece little gypsy ...Just stunning.....


    Much luv
    Liam


  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    November 14, 2008

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    "A child cries from inside.
    Waiting for a shelter to form
    A place where my love, once lived.
    A place which is called Home."

    The above stanza was my favorite as it speaks volumes.
    A most pensive penning indeed my dear.


    All the best,
    mj.



  • ea silver member
    November 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    a good look at that wailing feeling we get when we are troubled. I like how stream of consciousness renders itself in semi rhyme like this. suggestion: you have three its in this poem which all require an apostrophe, as they are really the contraction for it is. (it's)


  • Swangrnv gold member
    November 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    a very sad..

    piece. the imagery is deep and affecting.

  • illpoetical
    November 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    the metaphors are excellent and you paint the pictire of the pain with your words. great piec

1 - 19 of 19