The cold of the steel
slowly glides across the skin,
leaving a warm trail of life essence.
Diminishing the inescapable
emotional torment...
for a moment.
A physical representation
of a torn heart,
too mangled to be stitched together.
Outward signs of a tortured mind,
a tortured soul.
Brings a whole new meaning
to wearing your heart
on your sleeve.
Author notes
Just so everyone knows, i am not a cutter but i have been having a lot of disturbing thoughts lately, like what it would feel like to have a blade glide across your skin, or how it would feel to be shot.
A contest entry
- More than 10 but Less then 60 Quickie by SuicidalLover.
550 points, ended November 20, 2008, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
your first impressions?
Comments
-
An excellent poem, drawing the reader gently into the darkness!
Some of the lines were quite stunning: my personal favourite being -
"a torn heart,
too mangled to be stitched together"
I'm no expert but you might like to think about changing: "Diminishing the inescapable
emotional torment...
for a moment anyway" to
"Diminishing the inescapable
emotional torment.
Briefly..."
or simply losing the word "anyway". Seems like too 'soft' a word.
Like I said, these are just personal thoughts. Feel free to tell me where to stick 'em! lol!
Best, p
p.s. One trick I've learned is to add 5 blank lines at the end of the poem. This stops the reader from being distracted by the end line and the words "Author notes". best, p
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