Sudden mourning
after the night before
without warning
Lost, twinkling sun
and diamond glitter
absent, sugar spun
Razor sharp breath
fine line drawn
between blossom death
Stark cold now
this shadow hangs
on dark damp brow
lover's quarrel....
A contest entry
- first frost by AJ Morelli.
2700 points, ended December 7, 2008, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please critique the highs and lows! How does this make you feel? Where does this hit you?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I love the play on words within the first stanza. Very imaginative and it certainly sets the stage for what is to come. Your words are few, but they are lovely....I was particularly fond of "blossom death."
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Tabby, thank you so much for the lovely comments, I am so glad you read this one and like it. Have a beautiful day.
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very lovely...
al -
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Thank you! Very inspirational contest.
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well spun...a sad satire that rolls off the tongue
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Thankyou for reading and the comment!
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great take on the prompt ...love the imagery in this piece
good luck
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Lost, twinkling sun
and diamond glitter
absent, sugar spun
that gave me so many images.
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I like the twist...well...more of an explanation. It works in its bluntness.
Your imagery throughout was very good and you pulled off the rhyme well
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wow
at first I thought this was about ones self image.. Until I got to the end and there it is stated a lovers quarrel... wow this was uniquely done..
Yvonne
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