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You're Kidding Me!

A crackle in the air,
It signals coming death,
A snap, a howl a moonlit sky,
Then drawing your final breath.

An unseen shadow stalking,
You haven't got a chance,
A stab, a swish a painful wince,
Then off with fate you dance.

Someone turns to witness,
With whom does darkness consort?
A beast, a child or even disease
No it is the pictsie Le Petite Mort.

Author notes

Okay i've made a few revisions to the poem, hope you like.

Well you asked us to explain in our notes if we knew what le petite mort meant etc. So here goes.
I already knew the meaning of le petite mort "the little death" and for me i have always thought that it was a strange saying. It is usually used to describe disease because of death coming from such a small, unseen killer.
For me i have always thought of pet cemetary with the crazy zombie child running around killing people (i know that sounds demented but that kid freaked me out when i saw it) so this poem is written around something like that.
The reason for the title "You're Kidding Me!" is because in my poem the killer isn't a disease or even a child, it's a Pictsie.
If you have ever read of The Wee Free Men in Terry Pratchett's discworld books then you will know about them. If you haven't read them then i will give a short explanation.
The Wee Free Men are Pictsies who were kicked out of fairyland for being drunk and disorderly. They are 6 inches tall, covered in blue tatooes and are reminiscent of the scottish in both accent and clothing. They run around fighting everyone and are unsquashable.
I suggest you read The Wee Free Men by Terry Pratchett if you enjoy a laugh.


Anyway sorry that was soo long.
I hope you enjoy the poem and that it fits to your contest guidelines.
Blessed Be
xoxoxoxo

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5
  • Eusebius
    November 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent rhyme and meter here! A short but very fine poem! I loved the mechanics of it, really wonderful! (Le Petite Mort, however, has only one meaning, and this IS sexual in nature...)

    • Yunalonei
      November 29, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      Hey thanks for the comment on my piece.
      The only meaning i have heard of is the little death and this is what the contest holder told me also.
      Thanks again for the comment.
      Blessed Be
      xoxoxo

  • Death of the Author
    November 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    It flows well until your last two lines which I feel need a couple more syllables.

    I don't like the repetition of death in each stanza, if you did it in the same place each time it might have a great effect.

    This is a pretty good effort, "then off with fate you dance" is a very nice line.

    Thank you for entering :


    • Yunalonei
      November 13, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      Hey i've made a few revisions to the poem, i've removed the repeated use of death, it was only because i was tired and couldnt think of another word : )
      I have also extended the last two lines and added that the killer is a pictsie which asan afterthought i deemed necessary so people don't have to read my notes to get the title.
      Hope this is better and thank you for helping me fine tune the piece.

      • Death of the Author
        November 13, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        I think the changes helped

        Thanks for taking my comments the way you did. Lots of people would get all defensive.
1 - 5 of 5