Image Credit:
Deer Tracks by Dan Christ
Voice quieted with her touch;
soft fingers rolling thumbs
moving stiffened knuckles
on cool Fall mornings -
working hands.
When her eyes lifted,
reflecting liquid pools,
tenderness wrapped my heart
and twilight moved us into sunrise -
daybreak beginning and ending
beneath sheets filled with
the rustle of love making.
We knew our feel could never be
real enough
or deep enough
to reach what was silently said
when eyes met;
lingered,
then shifted to question.
She understood the heart that held this man;
a train who moved metal seams
hammering steel spikes,
aloof, stationary.
She knew changing tracks
could shift direction.
Acceptance was deliverance
forgiveness a rainbow
and her kiss;
the breath of train whistle
rolling its steady thunder
quieting my voice within her hand.
Author notes
Prompt:
~~"But she knew all the words that I never had said
She knew the crumpled-up promise of this broken-
down man"
Matchbox 20
A contest entry
- A MAD SEASON...A Tribute Theme for Suseann by Blue Rew.
1299 points, ended November 22, 2008, 4 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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and her kiss;
the breath of train whistle
rolling its steady thunder
quieting my voice within her hand.
So much here, it's hard to fathom why it should ever end.
I am in awe, these words really do reach in and take my breath away.
I don't know what part of this I liked the most, what I loved for sure, was the feeling of the train, and the slow moving of the world, and it starts to scoot away.
Brilliant,
Jin
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Fluid, and really rather wonderful piece with most marvelous metaphor--perfect pic prompt for the poem and vise versa... loved it a ton!!
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Your verse,and the chosen prompt exemplifies for me yet another of Rob's song lines. But another tune. "you're soon enough going to see,the otherside of me". From unwell. She knows him even if he's not so easy to see. Lovely verse!
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Brilliant metaphors...
The title compounds the emotion as train whistles are so deeply asssociated with forlorn good-byes and the sense of widening distances. I like very much how sound and movement become integral here, inviting us to review that which we failed to understand in personal destinations. Blue
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Tis such a beautiful poem you have written.
What wonderful imagery and wording within
A splendid take on the prompt.
Well done and many blessing's alway's
Tony
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Wow, you are spot on the prompt. I'm loving this one of yours;
She understood the heart that held this man;
a train who moved metal seams
hammering steel spikes,
aloof, stationary.
This stanza is so strong, the whole is beautiful, wistful and flowing. Best of luck
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A nicely written piece
loving and sad.
You do move me even when you forget to rhyme. lol
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she know most certainly...
and sees and accepts and celebrates
a wonderful glimpse in tribute.
ken
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