Icicle cold hand, sliding down my shoulders,
outlining the shape of my body,
freezing me down to my bones,
lower and lower they go
until they reach the sanctuaries door,
to weak to fight anymore,
to weak to cry anymore,
as he tugs at the skirt
Tares at the shirt
unsnaps the bra,
pure evil is what I saw in those eyes that day,
causing me to look away,
causing me to fear for my life so much
that I could not fight
due to fear,
but I showed no tears.
As he penetrated me
I did not move,
no reaction came from me,
no emotion that he could see,
I guess that upset him,
made him angry,
killed his ego
so he hurt me,
kicked and punched me,
until my eyes were to puffy
that I could not see,
My legs so badly bruised,
my arms no longer of use,
so I prayed and I prayed
for a savor to come my way...
but nothing,
I was left there to suffer,
left there to die,
HaHaHa but I still did not cry,
why cry for such a thing.
My soul died that day,
it no longer sings the glorious song it once sung.
And even though I am still alive today,
and he has been put away,
nothing,
I mean nothing,
could ever erase that day.
The smile that once crossed my face,
the laughter that once tickled my cheeks
and brightened my eyes,no longer appears
his gaze has been seared into my eyes,
his words echo in my ear:
"Fear me, fear me.
because there is no GOD.
Fear me
because I am the one that holds your life!"
Was he wrong, or was he right.
The question taunts me in my sleep,
it seeps deeper and deeper within my core,
burying itself in a place it has never been before
my heart crumples, it bleeds.
Please Lord, if your there
SAVE ME.
Save me from this agony,
save me from this pain,
just make everything the way it was again.
No more nightmares,
no more being scared,
I'm ready lord, I'm ready
take me away from here.
Take me to the land of milk and honey,
a place that takes my darkness away
and makes it forever sunny.
Just rescue my soul
because I want to feel whole
Once More.
Was the imagery good in this?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I would tend to agree - the imagery here is brutal - much your intention I am sure but the grammatical and spelling errors do detract from the serious nature of the piece.
I would go in and spell check it and be very careful with your usages of "your" when you mean "you're".
Otherwise, nicely done! -
I don't want to be mean
But how old are you?
Edit your work
It seriously subtracts from this amazing write. -
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lol your not being mean i did ask for pure critique. yea i know lol needs some corrections
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Wow
Very powerful piece.
Inspired me.
Thnk you for the write.
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I give you 9 1/2 for the imagery .Absolutely great. Could picture everything in my mind.Your poem was good.I was reading it aloud and it sounded quite thrilling,painful that way as i tried to change the intonation from line to line.Keep it up!
~Feb~
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Horrific images,
my scores are,
Imagery; 9
Metaphor; 5
Style; 5.
Total; 19. Thanks for entering my contest. -
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lol thanks i think if horrif is in a good sense.
cool contest loved the other entries especially the one that one silver it was awesome -
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Hehe, yeah very strong imagery, thanks for your gracious comment,
cheers,
Floorboards.
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