~~~what i thought of her~~~
outside the timbered home
air sweet and rank of skunk cabbage and fennel along ditches in the west
east, gulls congregated, raucous
and receded into the landfill
inside the house gypsum dust, muriatic acid, and Dutch boy
lingered on furniture and shelves
momma rested upstairs
on one of the twin beds
i tip-toed in and uttered my reticence
she turned,
red hair clutched back; sandy and coiled
stared at me as if i was a dream
my gut plunged
i knew i wore through her, the way teeth did down through enamel, into pulp
until i wished to burrow
into the powdery smell of her bedclothes
she was tired of the weight of me
i filled none of her hollows
~~~what she thought of me~~~
dreamed of her baby clothes
little dresses on warped hangers
handfulls of worn cloth diapers and sleepers
wrapped in tissue paper
weighed down by pieces of cedar
i lay there wishing i never brought her home from the hospital
but from some old forest
found on a bed of moss
cradled in roots of ancient trees
mysteriously she took me in
open mouthed and eyes bright, stood infront of
fist sized yellow rose wallpaper
i hallucinated
fist sized yellow faces of wrinkled babies,
grinning gargoyles and startled guardian angels of choir boys
in war paint with open oval mouths
.
Author notes
the second part is in reply to the first part
A contest entry
- in answer to by Cat.
1600 points, ended November 29, 2008, 3 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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this is so strong heidi..
the first part is just so excellent
and the second lives right up to the first with strong imagery
and more importantly strong emotion.. a perfect answer to...
she took me in... love that.. and all the implications of it
wonderful stuff
m
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Daaaaamn
That took me far, far away... rich in drawing out the senses, feeling, seeing, smelling. Beauteous. -
You did so well with this. I've read the other entries, and this is by far the best. So glad to have found you here.
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oh, I don't think i read the reply to this one yet, good one to pick....
i really like how it's a different voice in the second one...
this is excellent, so poignant=(
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Woman!!
Your writes always have me going over it a few times, then again...
i'm just a fool sometimes that has to go over things to fully understand it. LOL
Good luck in the contest H.
Ken
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ohhhh. you are so good. this makes me sad.
helen~
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brilliant!
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Wow!
I read this and had the gauntlet of reactions, happiness, hope, despair and utter sadness.
I really need to sit and ponder this, it is incredibly well written.
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thanks Melissa for taking the time and for your thoughts
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i think you really hit the nail on the head here with a massive difference of opinion, and created some gorgeous imagery along with it.
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thank you for your wonderful thoughts
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I had an incredibly raw reaction to this. The images are potent, filled with smells -- and I love when poetry can make me smell. Beautiful description of a child seemingly beginning to understand existence and the anasepctic suffering it entails. The vivid musing of the mother is also revealing. I like that this ended with the surreal.. the whole thing is dream-like.
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i loved your comment
your attention to detail
and choice of language
thank you.
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oh wow...what an incredible story here....this one will stay with me..great writing
~ Nicolette
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Thanks for leaving your thoughts here
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Heidi,
Im still reverbrating from this.
I can only say one thing right now.
DAMM GOOD.
and I don't curse.
Joe -
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you are forgiven
ty
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You know when you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach like you want to rip it out and can't so it sits there?
That's how it made me feel C
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thank you for your thoughts
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this burrows in deep and sqirms..ties my guts in a knot. the two fit perfectly. you blow me away
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thanks
i am glad i was able to do the second half
did about a million do overs
your comment means a lot to me
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