It's late autumn in our relationship
And I can feel an oncoming fight
As winter aproaches
It's our first frost
Our first fight
On the way to a fridgid frozen night
A contest entry
- first frost by AJ Morelli.
2700 points, ended December 7, 2008, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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i see what aj has done to your wonderful poem...and has done justice to it...im sure he can do that for mine, or perhaps it may be hopeless
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certainly one of the best titles in the contest
spelling: frigid, approaches
very nice, might not want to repeat "fight" in line 2 and 4
and frigid frozen night is a bit redundant...
maybe work the metaphor a bit more:
It's late autumn in our relationship
And I can feel an oncoming frost
As winter approaches
Our first fight
On the way to a frigid night
i really appreciate the entry and want to encourage you to keep up the good work
al
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oh, pulled an emily dickenson title there...lol. hey, I do it too sometimes...love the rhyme at the end...i think it was very affective. great write and good take on the prompt...very different from others who entered.
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nice use of metaphor, and using the first frost & first fight as a sort of milestone. : )
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the title and the actual poem has a nice link to it. i enjoyed it. much love
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Oo, really really good. I thought, from the title, that it wouldn't be anything special, but gladly, I was very wrong.
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