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The Hungarian

i.

He says God
is every old man
I have always seen sitting
alone on a park bench.

He believes my silence
is his new religion,
my body, his salvation,
and prayers-
the reflections
of what he sees
in my eyes.


ii.

In a bed he bought
in Chelsea,
he is naked and woolly
and semi-drunk,
remembering a life before me.

He sucks my nipple
like a sticky-sweet date,
then pushes away
Hungarian newspapers
to make a place for himself
between my legs -

in window-light he warns me
this love might kill him.


iii.

Walls have no character
until they have felt the fist
of passion and principle.


He sleeps
as I read his words in afterglow,
fascinated with the fear
that one day
my home might be his battle field.


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1 - 58 of 58

  • wbiro gold member
    July 9

    Edit | Reply
    nice slice of your life... may you have many more... bronze and honorable? Ok, I'm going to see what 'beat' this... brb (and I'll let you know my completely objective opinion...)

    oh, a piece by a MJ (who writes a lot like you) (strange...) with a female judge, of course...

    and the other, a very young host picks a very young writer, naturally... (probably friends!) (can't fault them, friendship IS important...)

    So, moral of the story, don't get down on your piece simply because of contest results... (but I'm sure you're way above such advice)... I like this one (only because you actually kept a guy... well, sort of... no ring...)(prod, poke on your lifestyle...)




  • etoile
    April 13

    Edit | Reply
    I'm not usually too fond of sensual/erotic poetry, but this was such an interesting piece to read.
    the first vignette is by far my favourite, it was incredible to read. to be honest I'm kind of sad that you went in the sensual direction after reading that vignette.
    it was still great though.

    goodluck and thanks for entering


    • Dalaney gold member
      April 13
      Edit | Reply
      well thank you for reading...i try not to take sensual
      or erotic over to the sleezy side, so i hope you were
      not offended. lane

      • etoile
        April 13
        Edit | Reply
        I wasn't offended at all, and it's far from sleezy. I just don't enjoy sensual/erotic too much, I still liked this though.


        • Dalaney gold member
          April 13
          Edit | Reply
          thank you so much i'll be by your poetry
          to read you, too


  • parenchma
    December 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    just reading you might kill me


  • Wind Walker
    December 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    You Rock Dalaney

    this is so moving
    and a touch of the class you always have
    well done
    congrats on the award
    WW


  • Catie Sheeran gold member
    December 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I can read this over and over and over...oh, wait ...I already have...too bad I read Hungarian II first. but I love both poems. I never have bookmarked poems before...but I think I will

    Amazing!!!!





  • Balldinger silver member
    December 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    eastern block


    worthy of capitulating difference. whoa! this slips gears more times than a Plymouth Duster. it brings on the shame, exoneration, tepid austerity and a delicate malice, seamlessly formed with the anticipation of scoured might. a great 3-party flavor with a penchant for a language to lick. makes me wonder if Modeski had Wood before Whitley. don't let the Finn get hold of this – he’ll make ya wanna pay. Czech, please!


  • Polaja Greeters member
    November 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply


    This is just ... outstanding ... Jessica was right about you being amazing - this speaks volumes and all of it is brilliant!


    Polly


  • Sesheta
    November 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    ...Wow. You stole my breath.


  • notorious
    November 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I LOVE this!


  • Cat gold member
    November 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    nicely done dalaney
    i like the idea of your silence being his religion- a clever way to say that
    1 and 2 are my favorites-


    m


  • Master-G
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ooooooo that is an excellent poem . One to be remembered, very effective, loved it... can't say much else everyone else has done it for me. But once again great piece of work


  • Raining Kisses silver member
    November 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is a very strong write with heartstoppingly creative language.
    Pushes away hungarian newspapers
    To make a space for himself
    between my legs.
    This is very visual, creates an image of hurried passion, no pre planning, just a sudden impulsive moment of lust, or perhaps abject apathy, dependant perhaps on the mood of the reader, either way, an excellent write
    thanks


  • AutumnGypsy gold member
    November 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You never cease to amaze me with something new and something fresh. I was swept away by this as always my lady. You capture an audience with such ease. I am glad to be one of them. Best to you in the contest


  • Swangrnv gold member
    November 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Ohh..

    WOW .. i can't seem to articulate this mirade of emotions and thoughts swimming thru my body and mind..
    wow..


  • Disturbed Prodigy
    November 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    amazing, i mean really amazing, i was just checking out random poems and i saw this one i have to say it left me speechless, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest


  • sheltered
    November 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    you always capture my complete attention
    the first part in particular tickled me
    as i think a lot about the god that i don't believe in?
    huh? lol


  • IronMaiden1236
    November 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    whooooaaaa

    hmmm...I'm going off to digest this. Hope you are well sis...


  • Swan song gold member
    November 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    simply stunning but always you and always beautiful


  • Jersene gold member
    November 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Stunning...as usual

  • A Prophet of 3 gold member
    November 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is very good ... but i'm not Hungarian, i'm Sweedish


    • Cat gold member
      November 18, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      but you are woolly and mostly drunk...

      • Dalaney gold member
        November 18, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        ...and damned cute in a suit



        PS: can you believe...one more episode???
        Renee...damn, I loved Renee...now he just
        might be a psychopath...sigh...oh, and Bill's
        "new kid"....ugh....obviously, i'm going to
        go through withdrawals after this Sunday...

        • Cat gold member
          November 18, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          i am seriously dreading the end... i don't want it to be over..
          i don't think it is anyone we are supposed to think it is...

          i couldn't stand renee.. after the first episode.. i did love the gay vampire though.. probably why i couldn't stand renee


  • arafura gold member
    November 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow... Stunning work my friend. I love it!


  • tomisb
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    There is a fascination with those who live life with a lustful abandon. There are scrawls upon walls and fairy tales to fighten children into submission in memory of them. They fascinate while horrifing. You capture it well and twist the sheets of desire enough to leave you readers wondering if they could be willing to risk enough to gather the rewards while remaing both envious and disgusted. May life not leave you shipwrecked upon the beauty of its reefs.
    Love, Tom B.


  • DolceVito gold member
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Just stunning, Lane...Lucky Hungarian.

    Vito


  • Randomly Beautiful
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    By the time I get to your lovely words, everything has been said. So, I will say ditto to every other comment, and then some.


  • marc creamore
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Poetry is the only drug I use nowadays . . . and christ, have I ever become addicted to you . . .

    Marc


  • badnovocaine
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh my loved every word!!!
    Especially the part towards the end about what you say about walls:
    Walls have no character
    until they have felt the fist
    of passion and principle.

    It took me a few to think about this and then I was like so true, so true
    Next to your poetry, i look lazy, STOP MAKING ME LOOK BAD!!!!!! Haha. Nice job I always enjoy good and full of flavor and impact poetry.


  • nordicsky silver member
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Sixteen months ago, they said, that if I went to AP I would find poetry that would blow my mind.
    I did and I found your poetry. Once again, you blow away the cobwebs from a lazy mind and make me tingle to the tips of my toes.

    I liked every word of this vignette, but especially the second stanza.

    “He believes my silence
    is his new religion,
    my body, his salvation,
    and prayers-
    the reflections
    of what he sees
    in my eyes.”

    Thanks for posting this
    Love, Peter


  • BehindTheShadow
    November 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Glad you are back, lucky me!


  • nancy drew
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    so good. first stanza is my favorite- if it's possible to differentiate. i just, have seen that before- the everyman
    ( using the linguistic generic he to be women-inclusive).
    it's their faces, their faces are the hardest to absorb. you can read too much in those faces, when they don't know anyone is watching and it's almost painful and intrusive. ok, i digress. but
    it's stellar.

    helen~


  • Amera gold member
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh Sis! You haven't lost your touch! I love this (wait a sec, I need a drink to finish this comment)

    (better)

    Now, I don't know how you do it but I know this guy, same thing happened but our love making did kill him.

    Love,
    Amera♥


  • The Gambler
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow! This is amazing! You have me completely captivated both with emotion and images you have strewn through my mind.

    P.


  • moluv10
    November 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Your words never cease to amaze me! Wow! This is incredible! Best of luck in the contest.


  • Love of a Bullet
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You know, it never occurred to me until just now, but what I took from this is something that I have been thinking about for years. Our proximity to others so rapidly involves us in their lives that retreat from the part can never be seperated from retreat from the whole. Your battlefield reference is completely astute for we are never so greatly effected by this proximity until we are under fire because of it.

    Rejecting any part of an individual becomes their definition of themselves in your eyes. Even as we long to be involved, we may find that we commit to readily to wars in which we have no stake. In doing so we may find that we can only lose.

    Terrific insight on a faucet of the human condition.


  • autarky
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    the first stanza had me hooked. by the end, i was thoroughly floored. i love your writing so much.


  • george the 23rd
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very well written piece! It pulled me in from the first line, and never once let up. I enjoy the trepidation and intrigue present throughout, and especially the line
    " Walls have no character
    until they have felt the fist
    of passion and principle."
    Brilliantly done!

  • Balldinger silver member
    November 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Czech feathers and lost colonies...

    well, as soon as your Czech nomenclature improves, maybe we can all say, "wow - what an amazing poem." But, whatever this poem actually means must have something to do with my scavenging for adjectives and pronouns down at the Backhand Market in the town square. I'll see what I can put together to get everyone to read old European stylings in thrift stores across the globe. Wait, better we all ball up some kush and fire it in the midst of economic crisis than to spin uncontrollably away from the core content of our own mock adoration.

    He believes what is his new religion? Hmmmm... should it matter so much when his next breath is probably his last? I'd rework the 4th part and re-post it backwards. that's probably why fewer will comprehend the rest of some of us...

  • silverfish
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    woolly bully

    an unbearable lightness of being meets sexy sadie--just an impression. i would add that i am fascinated with the reflection in s1, the window in s2 and the walls in s3. if you mean for these familiar poetic schemes to convey the interiors of the heart, then the poet knows her craft, but if they are unintended tropes, happy accidents of the creative process, then i think they bring the reader a deeper revelation about the poet's heart. -fisheye


  • PerVirtuous
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I read your words and have a hard time deciding if you are a poet or a drug pusher. As the wave of emotion overcomes me I decide I will leave that conclusion to another day, for today I have to stave off the withdrawals. Funny, but I had these thoughts last time, and the time before, and the time before...


  • Cup-a-Joe
    November 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Harvey,

    ~He sucks my nipple
    like a sticky-sweet date~ I see he was a hungry
    Hungarian.
    Joe


  • cricketjeff gold member
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Haunting imagery, the sticky-sweet date especially

    Sensual loving yet containing that edge, the worry that anything new may damage or destroy what we already have

    Beautiful


  • ariazephyrzoe gold member
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    He sleeps
    as I read his words in afterglow,
    fascinated with the fear
    that one day my home
    might be his battle field.

    This is like watching an Oscar winning movie

    yes as everyone says...beautiful and disturbing, the scenes are etched in your mind

    Anna Lee




  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    November 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    *sigh*


  • Cannonsfire
    November 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Amazingly beautiful and emotive stuff dear poet. Loved it C


  • Cerulean Sunrise gold member
    November 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Keep writing... I will keep reading.

    Wow!


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    There is actually something heartbreaking about this - as though the narrator and the man can't help but be together, even though it isn't perfect - in the middle of the sensual and the disturbing. Beautifully written, perfectly pitched.

  • tara wilson gold member
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is excellent, Lane, one of your best sensual poems, the part about him sucking your nipples is done very tastfully=)

    this makes me very hot, wish I wasn't at work right now..LOL.


    xoxoxo


  • Peteskid gold member
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Slices of life as stagecraft here, scenesthat seem to show there are more and deeper meanings to the things we do , see or believe... remarkable...PK...

  • notorious
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Fuck.
    This is...amazing times a million. Do you know how glad I am that I can read you regularly again?

    Anyways, obviously that first vignette just makes me smile because well, it mentions god in an ambiguous way; you don't make it positive or negative...more questioning than anything else [at least, for me].

    "He says God
    is every old man
    I have always seen sitting
    alone on a park bench."

    What a killah opening. I mean, it makes me think of the show Joan of Arcadia (why the HELL did it get cancelled?!!!), Bruce Almighty, and George Carlin.


    "He believes my silence
    is his new religion"
    What a thought.

    and "of what he sees/in my eyes."
    Shit, you freaking slay me to death with the way you write, Lane.

    "like a sticky-sweet date"
    I'm just going to ignore the line before this simile...LMAO.
    Haha, but this simile was AWESOME
    Hell, the word 'date' is rarely used in the fruit context.

    Wait...dates are fruits, right?

    "in window-light he warns me
    this love might kill him."
    Perfectperfect way to end that second vignette; it is so...foreshadowing, maybe. Or just creepy, but not in a Frankenstein-esque way. Just haunting...<==the word I wanted to use all along but only thought of now to describe your words.

    Nice personification of walls,
    although it's too sexy for me.

    LoL

    'afterglow'<==one word on its own, doesn't need a hyphen unless you really really really want it.

    'battlefield'<==also one word on its own

    The only Hungarian person I know is my science teacher.

    LoL

    Jessica


  • csmmoms2
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Lovely

    Welcome back to the vine or is it a velvet treadmill. Two people romancing...that special dance. No other on this AP writes as well as you do-when you're between the sheets. -c


  • chilali
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Amazing. I love this. I am sorry. But I am speechless, yet again! Well done and best to you in the contest


  • lunarlunacy
    November 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    there is nothing I can say that would do the above justice...


  • Pure Thought silver member
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Like five inch stilettoes fortytwo inches beneath a black thong, both beautiful and disturbing.

    Strong write, my Lady.

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