In a tree outside my window, all those nights I was alone,
this blue bird came and sang to me. Its mesmerizing voice
was brighter than the purest life, and all the lights that shone.
It told me I should dry all of my tears, and then rejoice.
Taking in the lyrics, it said “Pick up all your pieces, strewn,
to join my flight and sing with me in sweet, melodic tune.”
On the land below, I watched the colors sprout from black
while flying safe, into the night, with elegance and ease.
Then things changed. My joyful bird had started to turn back
the other way and leave me here with nothing but a breeze
on my face. I noticed that the dark blue sky was drained
of color and of beauty. Then it opened up, and rained.
Falling down, remembering that blue bird that was mine,
who flawlessly would paint the sky. In one big, graceful stroke
the world turned a shade of blue. Dark, but still with shine.
The poor thing cannot fly now, ‘cause it’s frail wings just broke.
Goodbye, my fragile blue bird. I’ll remember every day
you perched onto my window there, until you flew away.
Author notes
November 12, 2008... This was another Creative Writing assignment where we were supposed to use "wrapping" with this rhyme scheme. Of course, I wrote about my relationship with my ex-girlfriend.
Option #2--- lost love
A contest entry
- Love Poems/Heart Break/Wanting Love/Lost Love by gigglesalot.
900 points, ended January 12, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sad, Upset, Hurt, Betrayed? by starving4perfection.
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• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
PLEASE be HONEST when commenting my writing. Tell me I SUCK, if that's what you think.
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Enjoyable reading. I like that you held the metaphor consistent throughout. The drying the tears and rejoicing part is my favorite area of the poem.
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i enjoyed this, like the metaphor
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Very lovely poem. Sad too. Nice internal rhyme.
Good luck.
Michael
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I see how you wrote us a message. "PLEASE be HONEST when commenting my writing. Tell me I SUCK, if that's what you think." I find this so.. funny. Your a great writing. Exquisite. Most of the time when I comment a passage, I always try to find flaws and point them out. But with you.. Your writing is so confident and strong, there's no messing with it. Your writing fasitates me to the fullest. You boggle my mind so vastly.. You inspire me. Don't think, though, that I'm some pathetic little girl admiring you. Im 15. And I'm not just saying what I'm saying to make you feel good. If that was the case, I would have wrote, "Great passage! Your an awesome writer. Can't wait to read more!" I don't know why... I don't even know you; I havn't even spoken to you once, yet I feel I must explain myself to you. God, I am a freak....
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I thought that this was beautifully written;
You had some very active imagery here, and yet throughout the poem itself ran a bittersweet sense of longing -
Which was no doubt picked up because it's about your ex-girlfriend, which I didn't know about then.
Thanks for entering, the rhymes in this were so lovely and didn't sound forced at all!
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aww what a great poem! i honestly dont think it sucks!!!
its kinda sad though :'(
"I noticed that the dark blue sky was drained
of color and of beauty. Then it opened up, and rained."
"Goodbye, my fragile blue bird. I’ll remember every day
you perched onto my window there, until you flew away."
amazing! thank you for entering a great piece and good luck
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Nice work
Thank you for your entry in the contest
Good Luck -
suck???????? ummmm no way!!! this is really good huni i love it
thanks for entering and good luck,
~*Princess Cuddle Bug*~ -
love it. you dont suck at all =]
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No you do not suck! This is a very well written poem. I like the blue bird and the rain showers. Lots of imagery in this one. thanks for sharing this with us and thanks for entering it into my contest.
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