I stole your body to go downtown
you see, mine wasn't right for the occasion
we are nothing but suggestions
a poster board for identities, and yours
was available for the taking
Author notes
*Prompt*
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. [Woody Allen]
A contest entry
- I'm Goin' on a Muse Hunt by x-sweet-sunshine-x.
400 points, ended November 30, 2008, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any comments are greatly appreciated
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Very brilliant take on the prompt! I love it that length, short and thought provoking.
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I think that the length is good were you have it - it makes it short & sweet & thought provoking. I love how you were able to put such and interresting idea in only a few words! The word choice was very good, and made the poem even more interesting.
I especially like these lines:
"we are nothing but suggestions
a poster board for identities"
Good luck and thanks for entering! -
woweeee!
I am sooooo jealous! i loved the length, don't add to it! great take on the prompt, btw, i love it!
luv,
lovey
good luck in the contest! -
Wow. This is very good. This is also kind of funny because you can also use it as someone who is talking about stealing someone else's identity. Very good and keep the ink flowing!
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No, I think this poem is exactly the right length. Making it any longer would make you repeat the same information over again, which would make it boring. Instead, you said what you needed to say in a few short lines by using adequate description and progression. I rather like this poem, and I like the image you create with it. Good job.
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First off...
my thoughts on this when first read was...WOW! My impression was very provocative in a sense where you packed so much underlining tone in just a few words, that really says a lot...and often hard to do. Most times writers would over describe images to get their point across and drag the read to a pointless end and often the reader would lose interest, but here it was short, sweet and to the point...I wouldn't lengthen this at all, I truly think you've gotten your message across here...Bravo!
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I think the length of this is perfect. It's like a solid punch in the gut that crumbles you to the ground. There's a lot of impact in this. To make it longer could possibly take away some of that power.
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It is my humble opinion that you have an interesting skill in your writing technique in the fact that you don't require an awful lot of words to create a thought process. This piece was short and sweet and I have to admit that I am more than a little jealous that I didn't write it!
The line "a poster board for identities" is immaculate. Very nicely done & good luck in the contest -
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Wow thank you very much. What a great compliment.
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well
Interesting concept. there are many bodies I wish were mine. lol
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No, I think it works fine at the length it is. The title certainly caught my attention, and I love how you play the scene out. The last line made me smile (not in a happy way, just made me smile). I love it
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