We all carry on our backs
a heavy burden.
Searching for the silver lining
on each cloud,
or for the light
at the end of the tunnel.
When the journey is over
another shall begin,
and before you know it,
we'll be slipping through the cracks,
of life's own challenge
once again.
Fall, and fall, trip after stumble,
we must get up no matter what,
even against our own will.
We see more when our eyes are closed
then when they are open.
Humans may be ignorant,
but that burden is theirs to carry
until the burden disappears
with it's carrier's life...
And is REBORN into another burden.
Author notes
yup, my entry. hope you like it..
A contest entry
- I'm Goin' on a Muse Hunt by x-sweet-sunshine-x.
400 points, ended November 30, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what'd you think? I gotta know! XD
Comments
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Great job! This poem was written very, very well - I love the imagery. I especially love the lines "When the journey is over
another shall begin,
and before you know it,
we'll be slipping through the cracks,
of life's own challenge
once again."
The word choice was excellent as well.
Good luck and thanks for entering! -
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Thank you for your kind words!
yes it seems a lot of people like those particular lines. Thank you for commenting, i appreciate the compliments.
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This is a beautiful poem, it was very muse-inspiring and awesome!
I really liked this part:
When the journey is over another shall begin,
and before you know it,
we'll be slipping through the cracks,
of life's own challenge once again.
I thought your muse "drooped" a little bit at the end - i actually think the poem might be better without the part that starts with "fall and fall". you know, cuz the 1st part really says it all, and the second isn't really as nessecary. sorry, i tend to be a harsh grader!
Luv, lovey
good luck in the contest, btw! -
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Thankyou!
Sokay. I'm looking for some criticism so that i may learn from my mistakes and stuff...
XD thanks for commenting!
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