Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Living Torment

Missing image


Dreams fell into deaths grip
heart broken beyond repair
sinking hope began to slip
and now echoes in despair.

Fate thrust unwelcome hands
good fortunes whisked away
living torments of the damned
bad luck shadows every day.

Tethered now to sorrows deep
every hour just rebounds
dead heart slowly weeps
until again you're found.

 

 

 

Author notes

Picture prompt
Picture credit: http://sokolova-katarina.deviantart.com/art/My-Immortal-100601426

A contest entry

I can see who calls cos I'm nosy, so be nice and comment.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    November 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very dark and sad.. a feeling of hopelessness and the cycle of bad luck and lost dreams just continuing endlessly... deep emotion that I could very much feel and relate to here! Brilliant write.


  • Fritz O skennick gold member
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Love this too...

    Short & darkly sweet...
    Great emotional depth, visualisation & execution of the premise... Runs hand in hand with the pic perfectly...
    Well done!!!
    Good luck in your contest...


  • aboomer silver member
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Dark sadness and despair to go with that picture. Great wording/emotion/images from you, as usual. I especially liked,

    'Dreams fell into deaths grip
    heart broken beyond repair
    sinking hope began to slip
    and now echoes in despair.'

    Excellent! Best wishes in your contest.


  • Reptile Lady gold member
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Aw this one is so penned in such dark sadness
    The rhyme and flow tells the heartache
    and waiting to be found again
    Good luck in the contest Sis
    Julie

  • Black Rayne
    November 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is a truly wonderful poem, it fits the picture perfectly. well done and good luck to you


  • Maxboy gold member
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A sorrowful tale you have pulled from the prompt, with possible hope in the end.

    Very Good...Good luck in the contest


  • JeannieD Hunter gold member
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I can relate too well at the deep sadness in this write. You have done an exceptional job with this prompt. Your words portray so much. Very well done. Good luck in the contest.


  • Disturbed Prodigy
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i don't know what to say here but this is something, i mean that, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest


  • Guerrero
    November 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow..very powerful...


  • colie50
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Another masterpiece, as expected ^^ Beautifully penned.
    "Fate thrust unwelcome hands
    good fortunes whisked away
    living torments of the damned
    bad luck shadows every day."
    Amazing. I really enjoyed it!

    Just one thing: I think the "deaths" in line 1 should be "death's"?

1 - 10 of 10