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Summer Escaped

Summer escaped

And you along with it
I saw you smile once
Happily
Before you fled

The candle’s flame died out
The last book was read
Now your shelf is dusty
Alone

you dream of her

in your empty bed

 

Winter’s blue sky appears
And I belong to another
I remember smiling once
Longingly

When blue skies

And summer clouds came together

 

My feet in the sand
And I dream of oceans bliss

Under Oregon's rain clouds
You’d come walking through the mist

In a list

what do you think.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 18 of 18
  • peyote
    May 20

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    all too true

    I know this feeling all too well.This is one of my favorites,and was one of the first of yours that i have memorized.

  • FANTASTIC JOB MY DEAR. I REALLY ENJOYED READING THIS AND THE IMAGERY WAS SO NICE... lOVED THE ENDING TOO... THANKS FOR ENTERING MY CONTEST AND GOOD LUCK


  • reckless abandon
    January 31
    Edit | Reply
    I love the last stanza of this, thanks for sharing


  • Snowing Kisses gold member
    January 26

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very strong write, nice flow good ambiance, a really really good piece I enjoyed it hugely thanks so much


  • Swan song gold member
    January 13
    Edit | Reply
    It is difficult to improve on this poem, it is very well composed. The only weakness is subject love
    and I love love poems! The problem we run into is there is sooooo much competition.
    But from my heart I can see you are a talented artist and encourage you to move into other subjects not because you cant write good love poems but because you will never be noticed if you continue to write nothing but love poems


  • nobodys-girl
    December 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is just so awesome...i loved it. thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck!

  • angelique
    December 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i really liked this poem.
    summer poems make me nostalgic.
    and it bothers me when people criticize me about punctuating my own poems, but they are right... it just makes it easier to read the finished project.

    good job anyways :]


  • Thendestinystruck
    December 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    nice write! had a good flow!


  • happy-lil-artemis
    December 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow i loved it all what else can i say exept good luck

  • Poetryintheblood gold member
    December 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your most beautifully expressed write, Josie


  • Invisible 2 you
    November 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    ohh.. i like..the last stanza was fabulous!

  • piccola silver member
    November 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful. I know someone in Seattle and he often talks of the rain. I've never been there but someday I may go. your write is rich with imagery and the flow was ... well it flows very smoothly.


  • Rhythm Child
    November 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A great entry
    thanks for taking part, wishing you luck would be an insult to your talent so take care

    message me for anything
    Billy (Rhythm Child

  • Musafir
    November 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Lost love nicely expressed.
    Best wishes,


  • going nowhere
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    a lovingly sad story... i saw you smile once. that line was a heartbreaker for me somehow. wonderful entry. thank you


  • bigperm
    November 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    this is beautifully nostalgic,

    like a pleasant dream of happier times, a brief break from my current life of mundane.

    "He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it. "
    Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001), "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"


  • Maxboy gold member
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful take on the prompt, such a sad story you have told.

    Beautiful...Best wishes in the contest

1 - 18 of 18