Expertise etched emotions
to tailor remorse,
assembling art's arena
to resemble past's stains
yet professions met confessions
in cranium
and prop,
as neglect trapped its prize
between shoulder and wing.
Thatched thoughts filled
with smoke
to seer with iron-clad clutch,
as belief blazed
like bombs
in imaginary sight
and laughter loomed lightly
on two tips of a sneer
while ire's itchy ideals
fell as dilligent dust.
Mobbed by reality
of hurt's delinquent mind,
she found
fashion's fortune
just outside wisdom's wait
and the gate of grief's mass
flailed
by failure's side
while pride played pretense
along sorrow's strict spine.
Now fear's fraught
and twisted,
resisting naught as it weeps...
but release from the grip
where hinderance dwells.
Author notes
Picture Inspiration
xJustifiablyMex
A contest entry
- November Rounds #2 by CitrineSunrise.
700 points, ended December 11, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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This poem has wonderful pacing and punctuation which allows the reader to grasp each concept before moving on. You always use poetic devices to great effect, particularly internal rhyme and alliteration. I think this poem has a little too much possessive personification (for lack of a better term) such as ire's itchy ideals and wisdom's wait. I would prefer to see an alternate ways of expression such as the wait of wisdom to add a little variety to the presentation. Thank you for your entry. Peace, Liz
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This poem speaks to me. I think that polishing capitalization and such would make it more visually appealing (or maybe that's just my OCD talking), but it really is lovely and very deep. I utterly love the flow of this piece.
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Capitalization is only appropriate at the start of sentences for this piece, it's free verse and line-breaks and poetic device dictate the flow and emphasis and so therefore, capitalization becomes less important. Visual appeal also becomes less important than the message being conveyed. Thankyou for reading and commenting.
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This is pretty deep.I like how you write.Very creative.I love the title that you chose,it adds to the effectiveness of the entire poem.Your descritive words are great.Good luck in the contest.
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