Regretting all those marks carved into my skin
Looking down at pale legs, ashamed of myself
Fresh scars, my disgusting mistakes
They line my thighs, no way to cover them…impossible to hide
Winter is a blessing; long pants and leggings in this cold weather
Summer is something I dread; shorts and bikinis bring tears to my eyes
Sick of people lying to me saying they dont look that bad when I know they really do
So I live with this regret, when scars refuse to fade
Arms, thighs, sides all flawed
I can only resist the urge for so long…craving it all the time
Getting overwhelmed, in need of coping with stress over my every day life and disappointments
When that blade hits my hand I immediately start to slice without a care in the world
Only to awake the next day with blood soaked sheets and painful memories
Is a lifetime of blemished skin worth a few minutes of satisfaction?
The question I ask myself each day, never receiving the answer
Until I can truly answer that myself I guess I have to go on hiding my downfalls and blocking out the pain
Author notes
my ap name is Christina luvs you
A contest entry
- .bloody hand prints and scars of the past. by redhanded.
675 points, ended November 20, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
whtcha think?
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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i can relate to this, i love winter cuz i can hide my scars so much easier
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yep it sucks that you gta hide em doesnt it? if only ppl didnt judge
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Wow.
another masterpeice. I fell the same way you do, ashamed of the cuts. over time they'll fade, maybe not completely but hey. And its up to you to make sure there isnt any fresh cuts. -
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thanks cutie! ya im trying really hard not to cut..its been about a month since the last time.....maybe less....
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I can relate. Try to look at the scars as a battle you conquered. They are really marks of bravery. You dealt how you felt you needed to and now you are stronger. Every single day that you live without cutting is another war you have won. You are more of an inspiration than anything..x
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awwww thts a really good way to look at it thanks so much!
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Hi, I can't say I'm able to (fully) relate to you because I'm not a cutter myself... but I'm really sorry that you're trying so hard to stop doing it, and regretting it when you can't "resist the urge".
I wish you all the best and this is a poem I wrote inspired by a friend who was cutting herself- 'If I Were A Cutter':
http://allpoetry.com/poem/4705621
Oh yes, I found your poem through your contest... but I'm not going to enter for obvious reasons..
But hope you enjoy my poem and feel free to message me if anything. 
Know that there're always people around that cares about what is happening. .
All the best to you again.
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oh ok.... thanks tho....ill go read urs now lol its ok.
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i can't say i know "exactly" what you're going through, cause i don't, but i can relate. i started cutting myself not too long ago, but im really angry because i told myself i wouldn't result to it. as much as it disgusts me, i can't stop. i know i will have these scars forever, and the memories for far longer, but i can live with that. it's hard though, going to school everyday knowing that i will probably never have a true best friend because i can't trust people to understand. i am truly glad it's the winter months; i don't know what i'll do in the summer when my family forces me to go swimming (even though they know the kind of thrashing snake i am in the water =D) but enough about my pathetic existence, and onto your poem;
i love it.
short and to the point, yet filled with enough emotion to write a novel.
great imagery, wonderful language, unlike anything I have read in a while.
great job hun =)
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awwww im srry and im the same way i fuckn hate the scars and the cuttin but no matter how much i try i cant stop doin it, trustin ppl is hard but sumtimes u just gta let sumone in.... im happy bout winter too lol awww i cant even swim
thanks and im glad u liked it. oh wow! thanks again 
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i used to be like this when i used to cut my legs
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awe
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I enjoyed this write very much.It is jam packed full of emotion and the flow is really good. thank you for your entry and best of luck to you in the future and with your writing.
andi
(redhanded) -
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thanks, im glad u liked it.
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I would so love to help
Thoughts when you are young are the most dangerous things in the world for the person those thoughts are held within their mind is changing every day and often before they find their way they hurt themselves thinking its the only way to find the peace only if its just for a few minutes . You will find in time that you dont listen to all the things your mind has within you will learn how to process those feelings and know which ones to truly listen to and those you will cast away ad keep yourself happy and no longer sad or afraid . We all have thoughts just as you have and often our scars are held within our hearts instead of on the outside for others to see but they are still scars . Message me anytime I would so love to talk to you about this and I hope we can become friends
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ya but sumtimes there is no help. thanks 4 the advice, ur sucha caring person and tht means alot and ur allready my friend!
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hey wifey, i really dont know what to say about this, i like how you have expressed something so personal and aknowlage that its not the best thing to do to cope with your pain and that hurting yourself makes your body look bad and that you know you shouldnt do it, but it is an addiction that hurts you and you crave it. I know that a lifetime of scars would not be worth the few moments that you feel better for doing it, thank you for the comment on my poem and as always keep writing, ~Amy
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thanks wifey it means alot that you care about me....ur welcome btw.
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Lifes painful and so much of the time that pain seems so beyond our control. To cause your own pain simply so you can control it. Far to often and far to tragic. But let the scars be reminders of pains past. Your doing a good job dealing with them now. Dont be ashamed of them. The heald scars are just the sign of the battle that you won. Great poem Chris
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thanks hun
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hey sweetie..this is great ..im srry tho, i know what you mean 100% of the time ...and ya holding out is ok..but then ya like u said we can only resist so long..ya its real annoying when ppl stare and are like what the hell is all that from...anyway great job ily!
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thanks, dont be sorry its my fault i cut. and yea its very annoying....ppl r to quick to judge. i l y 2
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i feel exactly how you do, i hope youb are feeling ok sorry i havent commented for ages, this is a great poem i lvoed it and it was all so true;
'Only to awake the next day with blood soaked sheets and painful memories' this is so damn true, i hope you are ok, ily x
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im ok as i can possibly be. and its okay. thanks ily2
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trust me... i know that pain bc i dread summer too. i dnt wear shirts or bathing suits when i love to swim tho. im tried of ppl saying my legs and stuff dont look bad yet they cant stop looking at them so you know it looks bad.
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awww i kno i hate when ppl stare
it feels so weird.. thanks hun
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