Scarlet jaded amber skies
Setting sun's blazing glory
Butterfly kisses cascade euphoria
Time pleaded,
'Stay with me just a little longer, my lovely'
Pale hues trickled serenity
Perpetual memory of the moment
Capturing roses capered on her cheek
Blissful sounds of tranquil streams
Mirrored her charm,
Stunning as she was..
Volumes, the honest face would speak
Precious pearls patiently resting
On fluttering eyelashes
Breathless at the touch of
Honey sweet, tender lips
Salutations to mother nature
And her celestial beauty
Taste the sugary wine
Taking little sips
Together we were drowning
Embracing each other, in
Beauties of nature and
Breathtaking bliss
Cherishing the Godly scene
With her next to me
My solitary haven,
This sensational feeling,
I wouldn't want to miss..
Author notes
All Options used. I.e:
Option 1 - The picture
Option 2: Word bank: Butterfly, Kisses, Memory, Eyelashes, Breath, Rose, Mirror, Beauty, Precious, Cherish (All words used)
Option 3: It's all about love =)
Option 4: Title used, 'Butterfly Kisses'
Hope you like. =)
In a list
A contest entry
- Whatever suits you by Learning2PaintYou.
550 points, ended December 15, 2008, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Romantic Pre-Writes by poets whisper.
700 points, ended December 13, 2008, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - short, colorful, to the point by Avani.
800 points, ended December 24, 2008, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Very nice.
I like everyone else, loved this. Congrad's on the Gold.
Joe
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Love your opening line "Scarlet jaded amber skies"
Lots of wonderful imagery here...a very beautiful write.
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It's so lovely. You've created an ethereal world here. Well done.
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Together we were drowning
Embracing each other, in
Beauties of nature and
Breathtaking bliss
Cherishing the Godly scene
With her next to me
My solitary haven,
This sensational feeling,
I wouldn't want to miss..
Gorgeous.
That's about all I can come up with
.
You're really amazing in this.
Beautiful,
Jin
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Thank you for your entry. I love this!
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Some beautiful phrases fill this piece. My favorite is: "Blissful sounds of tranquil streams" the very sound of this phrase, with all the s's make it peaceful. The next line, though "Mirrored her warm personality," breaks the loveliness of the previous line, particularly the word "personality". Often when I have a word that works meaning wise but not poetically, I consult an online thesaurus. I did that for the word "personality" (I just input "personality thesaurus") and came up with these: nature, charm, makeup, temperament, disposition among others.
I thought "nature" worked best, but noticed you use it 2 other times in your poem. My second choice would be "charm", a short "poetic" word, thus:
"Mirrored her charm"
""Blissful sounds of tranquil streams" says nothing about warmth, so I'd drop the word warmth. Also, most of the poem is written in second person (you) here you switch to "her".
Also, I'd end the poem at "my solitary haven." The last two lines use the word "scene" again, and don't add to the poem.
You have much which is lovely here. A little editing would perhaps make it even lovelier.
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Thank you so much for your lovely comment! I will make all the necessary changes, this really means a lot. I love it when people help me make my work better. I'm still new to the world of poetry, all this advice will really help me. Thank you once again. Come again
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Truly I am in awe with your diversity of language and imagery this poem portrayed
Each stanza filled my mind
Best wishes hun and good luck
Julie xx
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Wowza!!!!
This ones a beauty my friend,
cant quote any lines because its all shaweeeeeet,
Much enjoyed,
Good luck in the contest
Ken
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Oh wow Alyzeh! This is just out of this world. I loved it! Loved it! Loved it! You know how much I love Dark Blue! I think I now love this more. So beautiful. I love how you mixed the options and came up with something this amazing. Well done. This is definitely winning for sure! Definitely!
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