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Remembering

Lost in a time
                    
                       so long ago
 
                                           Our laughter and joy.
 
I smile as I rest 
 
                         my head on
 
your
 
          
          Shoulder.
 
 

Author notes

Prompt:"As our hearts started beating faster, I recalled your laughter from long ago. There's nothing like you and I." This is from the song Nothing Like You and I by The Perishers.
Limit: 21 words, 21 used on the first try

I tried one of those weird styles, randomly places words, I just think this looks weird, but you tell me

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Maxboy gold member
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very touching poem from your past, no doubt. The random placing gives more impact and meaning to each of your words.

    Congratulations on the Bronze


    • Meroza
      November 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      it is not my past, its just what came to mind when I thought about the prompt. Like I would ever have a boyfriend to lean by head on, pff.


  • Hikari Lady
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hahaha!! yeah I know the feeling of 'randomly placed words' and I used to not read poems of that type/form but now I tried it and it really got rules, you know. lol
    Great write, you drew an imagine in my head and gave me a feeling of peace and love. Wonderfully penned best of luck in the contest.

    ~Noor


  • ylova
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Weird? Nope! Not at all!! I really liked it! And, and. 21 words on the first try! Incredible! Haha. I really loved your take on the prompt. I love the imagery. In just 21 words, you've managed to create such a beautiful picture for me. Well done and thank you for entering. Good luck


  • Alyzeh
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It doesn't look 'odd' at all Meroza. I love this songggggggggggggg! It's super sweet and your words paint a beautiful picture. Good luck in the contest love!


  • Disturbed Prodigy
    November 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow, this one is good, i like it my friend, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest


    • Meroza
      November 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      hehe, thank you ^_^ Tho, I still think it looks odd

1 - 9 of 9