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Chasing Truth

In that forest where shafts of shadow shifted with the sun,
tall posts, each almost identical, bare and upwards until the foliage of canopy,
bright green grass leaning so slightly towards the light,
dawn's haze just beginning to fade.

I chased you, as you danced among the shadows,
leaping from one dark tower to the next.

I tried to catch you, to pin you down,
to see your face, but
I just couldn't.  I just couldn't.

You left me so far behind,
so far within that repetitive forest.

So lost.

In exasperate desperation,
I turned with the shadowbeams that pointed like sundials, hoping I was going
the way I should, not knowing
what was right and what was left,
what was wrong and what was no more,
seeing just the same thing over and
over and over
and over again,
until dusk's haze settled in too.

I could do nothing but sit down in a patch of horrid yellow-green spikes
and cry.

I sat.
Dawn came again
and I died.

You know,
my mind was so muddled by those haughty trees and their shallow shadows, that
I never thought to look up to the sky.

There the dancer was all along,
winking down through the foliage,
dancing on the canopy, where it was
no shadowdancer, but light.

I realized only later that
I had been chasing
the shadow of the sun.

Author notes

superl337sauce
ascertaining what is truth

eh heh heh...
I have a total of 36 lines of text.
That's 16 over the limit, so please feel free to disqualify me.

This poem was inspired by
shadow dancer
by lightchaser @ flickr
http://allpoetry.com/images/ext/Contest/2426/935.jpg?1226466043

If I were more audacious, I'd plead w/ you to extend the line limit to 40 lines.
But I'm not that audacious, so I won't.

(jk, I actually am xD. I just tried to pretend I wasn't.)

Stone Soup 2009

A contest entry

Please read and comment.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Antebellum
    July 5

    Edit | Reply
    'I realized only later that
    I had been chasing
    the shadow of the sun.
    '


    I really liked this part.
    thanks so much for entering
    good luck

  • SapereAude11
    May 31

    Edit | Reply
    It's interesting how you personify truth here, and I like the left turn at the end. Everyone searches for truth, but only a few find it. Thanks for entering


  • pinksnowboots
    February 19

    Edit | Reply
    Nice-this is really cool. The only suggestion I have is to perhaps replace one of the "sun"s in stanza one with "light" so it doesn't sound repetitive.


  • Kathraina silver member
    February 1
    Edit | Reply

    Judged-ola!

    awsome story. glad you stuck with it and didn't change a thing.


  • Walk-Free
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    -stares at you in disbelief-

    are you the same person who entered my previous contest and exeeded the line limit?!

    you sure reminded me of that person.

    i thought that this poem told a beautiful story. but that's the problem. i wanted a short poem and not an elongated story.

    it would've been perfect if you could shorten this to 15 lines or something, including only the lines that would sustain the intensity of this story.

    but generally, i quite liked this poem. the ending was a superb twist.

    great job, but unfortunately, it won't win anything here ):

    • superl337sauce
      November 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      No, I'm not that same person.
      If I am, I am a very confused person x.X

      I'm okay w/ not winning. At least it's not a dq!
      I'm just glad you read and commented.

      Thanks for the comment!

1 - 6 of 6