You hear the din of smoke and cinder,
gnash of rocks 'gainst dragging feet,
call of zealots climbing higher,
away from bowels of perditions deep,
a metronome of clashing, and ever hallow
purging screams, not alive, but
animate enough to impale the soul,
and haunt your.. every.. waking.. dream..
the howls of Cerberus tearing whole men
limb by limb, the quiet riot as the lines
emerge for the dive into the fires keep,
it licks the canyons, deep escarpments
and riles the senses of burning flesh,
blesses the unrighteous and curses the pious
whom failed to take the heavenly breadth.
Author notes
I love lasagna, and credits to photo bucket for this cool picture.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
-
Vivid imagery, with wonderful word usage! I really loved it! thanks much for sharing! hope to read more from you!
Angel
-
Pretty sweet poem as usual, my friend. The imagery is fantastic. Seems like you get better and better at imagery with every write. This is true to your style as always. I had a couple favorite lines here: "animate enough to impale the soul," and then of course "blesses the unrighteous and curses the pious". I also liked the whole sound of n and g meshing together in the first few lines. I didn't see the picture you used for this poem but I was reminded of the Inferno.
-
-
http://s51.photobucket.com/albums/f363/cindy_hepworth/?action=view¤t=life-3.jpg
here is the photo, thanks a whole lot for your comments Lina, I'll be sure to get back to you.
-
-
I like it. Really do, no much it critique here. Having seen the picture I myself might have been a tad bit more harsh in my response, for better or worse your poem seems to have just the right amount of condescension towards zealots and respect to the beliefs of others. Although I would ask, does it then provoke the necessary though process's as most poetry is meant to? Is it meant to? Questions to think on and maybe tweak with it a little at some point. Just remember while nothing is every perfect this comes pretty damn close and its a very good write. Bravo.
-
Amazing, I actually knew which photo you were inspired by before I even checked it out in the contest. Your imagery is amazingly vivid. Also your language is powerful and daunting. I liked it very much.
Carrie
-
great wording and images. good emotion, too, and read nicely.
best wishes in the contest.
-
-
Thank you very much, I will now head to see if I cannot find one of yours to comment on.
-
-
I LOVE IT!!!
-
-
thank you
-
-
Wow, I had to read this over a few times, this is great. I hope you do well in the contest. You use really interesting words and I like that. My favorite stanza is: "You hear the din of smoke and cinder,
gnash of rocks 'gainst dragging feet,
call of zealots climbing higher,
away from bowels of perditions deep,
a metronome of clashing, and ever hallow
purging screams, not alive, but
animate enough to impale the soul,
and haunt your.. every.. waking.. dream.."
I like the use of the word metronome a lot. Great write, good luck in the contest -
-
thank you very much.
-
-
Hi there first off I did like this the imagery is nice it held together you did a great job throughout the poem thank you for your entry and following the rules be well.
-
I loved the word use....however I had a hard time making sense of it quickly enough to read it with a nice flow. And I consider myself to be fairly advanced with my vocabulary.
However, it was very articulate and thought provoking, and i can never turn down a piece that challenges my ability to read and understand a piece that challenges my vocabulary1
I did seem to miss the theme though, in the process of trying to piece together the verbiage... -
-
well the general motif was set as it is due to the picture the contest provided, im not sure where I was not exactly clear on my purpose, there isn't much here thats extraneous, I feel like was quick to the point, but where do you find it confusing? maybe i can shed light on what i meant, thanks for the read and comment.
-
-
Very articulative. I love your high level of vocabulary in this piece.
The over all content was great.
Spelling and Grammar were right on target.
The poem had a GREAT meterical flow.
The rhyming scheme was off, I couldnt tell if it was supposed to be a rhyming poem or a free form.
With Love,
ASM
AKA Raymond -
-
I typically avoid setting myself to a particular rhyme scheme, if anything free form would be best applied, most of everything I write tends to be this way.
Thank you for the read and comment, much appreciated
-
-
lovely imagery
-
The words you chose to use are so descriptive. It's honestly the best way to write poetry, descriptive words always show the emotional connection between the poet and poem. I believe you really have nac for writing, keep it up. It was truly a great read.
-
Thank you
-
Wow this was amazing! I love the imagery and the sound within the words. limb ripping and gnashing, the zealots with cerberus... Great poem!
Adding your comment:
1 - 20 of 20
