Her bags were packed, the taxi waiting at the curb.
She wrote a note, took the gum from her mouth
and stuck the note to the bathroom mirror. She
didn't notice the open window or the slight breeze blowing.
She left, thinking it was all explained.
But - the note blew off the mirror not five
minutes after she was gone, floating out
the window, landing in the yard next door.
He came home that afternoon to an empty house.
No note, her suitcase gone, no explanation as to why.
He sat, devastated, while the house grew dark and
cold. He fell asleep in the chair, the cigarette
burning, falling to the floor, growing brighter.
The fire was soon out of control.
Two days later the phone rings in the
next time zone. She answers, and slumps
down to the floor, tears flowing, a low gutteral
moan escapes. She will spend years trying to understand.
A contest entry
- The Butterfly Effect by SeptemberFaith.
1400 points, ended December 22, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I think that this is a very good example of the butterfly effect. I think that you need to revise it a little bit though.. there are too many words that are not needed. (my opinion). Also, some of the lines creep from one line and continue on the next, that creates a pause in my mind that I feel is not needed.
Very good way to show that everything we do counts.
Criss -
You told a sad story here of missed connections, messages gone astray and lives changed. Great response to the prompt.
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Wow... this really got me in. Yes, who knows what the butterfly effect might cause. I love the way you told this sad story. Excellent!
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These words leave visuals like that of a movie. Line for line I was hooked into the imagery playing out in my mind. Wonderful reading! Good luck in the contest!
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