M'lady, I feel that in some ways
I have not been entirely honest with you.
You see, when we speak, I neglect to mention
To you the images of moonlight and blooming roses,
The images that most lovers and authors alike find
To be so terribly cliche and avoid to use, but I,
Being only an amateur at both find them fitting,
Because they describe oh so aptly,
The feelings you instill.
I implore you to understand, if you will,
That I have not hidden these from you,
I have just been careful in my revealing of them,
Take the person who discovers a flower which
Blossoms as beautifully as you have, does one
Allow it to bloom on it's own? To risk the potential
For it to wither and die? Or does the gardener do all
Within his power to ensure that this angelic masterpiece,
Continue to bloom oh so magnificently and risk
A similar fate occurring through his negligence.
I could have written this, and never sent it,
I could have never even written it, there's a lot
Of which one could, one should and maybe one
Should not have done, perhaps neglecting to tell
You this sooner fits this bill. In matters of the heart
There is always the conflict with one's head that rages
Like a battlefield littered with many broken corpses,
Until a true victor emerges from the crimson landscape.
I simply am a man, a simple foolish man driven by emotion.
And you, are nothing short of the moon and the stars.
Author notes
I'm not sure why, but the whole time i wrote this, i had the victorian gentleman in mind, with his white wig, and the long lavish gardens where he penned this. And for me this in some ways fitted that.
Comments
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Great monologue! As a poet you jumped into character well. Maybe use a little more Victorian diction. The speaker shows that he is both masculine and emotional, creating an effect of realism to the poem. I feel as if I stumbled across this private letter in a trunk somewhere. Pen on...
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that is beautiful
perhaps you have an old soul, or a guide that brings these feeling in you and from you....thank you for sharing!
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you have just entirely, truly and forever captured my heart. thank you for sharing such beauty with me today. i am SSSSOOOOOoooo looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. viyanna rosemarie
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Eloquent. Definitely suits the picture that inspired you to write it.
Love the style and random images thrown in, such as "crimson landscape". And the last line is a bit cliche, but it is very adorable and a suitable conclusion.
Very nice.
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"M'lady, I feel that in some ways
I have not been entirely honest with you."
How awkward. The rest of the poem is beautiful, and you my sir need to write much more often. I like the fact that you mentioned that there is always a conflict in someone's mind. True.
Write, I command thee.
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very good
the first stanza is outstanding. Great idea...the whole time I was reading, it brought back memories of things that I've wanted to say to people in the past, but couldn't express properly.
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This is really lovely and most enjoyable to read. A little romantic reading is good for the soul!
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well done
I think the gentleman would be pleased
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This was amazing. I got the image of a gentleman in the victorian age but there wasn't a white wig. Lol. I loved it. Bravo
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My friend I have lived in a victorian era state of mind for as long as I can remember. My clothing is all of that era as are the literature I read. This peace is one of my favourites now. I really love it. - excellent work.
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wow this is beautiful and how lovely it would be to have such sentiment bestowed upon a person, should any man write something half this lovely to near any woman she should surly melt strait away
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Your style, your grace, your wording and your ability to get it all right is superb. I read that letter and I was transported into the peak of Victorian society. As I read your letter, my mind was aflutter with the excitement of it, the gentlness of the seduction within the proper bounds of society.
A Brilliant write!! Perfectly penned!!
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Sooo beautiful!!!! I've also penned a poem some time ago called 'A Victorian Letter' but it is about a girl getting married. This reads just as if Mr Darcy wrote it. I love the language and the form.
'I implore you to understand, if you will,
That I have not hidden these from you,
I have just been careful in my revealing of them,'
So evocative of the sensitive lover, that Jane Austen wrote about. You have captured the 'Victorian' feel superbly.
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Thrilling! It's just what every lady wants to hear. Sort of reminded me of something Dostoevsky would write.
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Very Good
This is amazing! It sounds authentic. -
this was really well-written, i like the use of imagery. great job!
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this is absolutely lovely, wonderfully done! the first stanza caught my attention, and it was held throughout.
Great write!!!!!!!!!!!!
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i love the way you did this, creative and just a kind of poetic honesty to it, keep it flowing
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Oh I do love your last line Phil
Such a romantic piece that flows so beautifully.
Thank you for sharing
gaylene
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Any lady would be proud to have such feelings expressed in her honor. Cliche?... maybe but sincere and meaningful and that's the importance of it.
I like the style in which you've written this poem of love and honesty. It's smoothly and uniquely spoken. It brings a vision of of a love smitten young man proclaiming his love for a lovely and proper young lady.
Excellent piece
Dee
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Your notes indicate you were totally focussed when writing this. It shows in the poem. I, too , can see the victorian gentleman in his library writing with quill and inkwell. Excellent work.
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Excellent, truly a brilliant piece of work
You wrote it very well
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This is absolutly beautiful. Wonderful, touching. Love it.
Well penned.
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nice. very romantic. its ironic that the presona of this poem is aware that he is being cliche but the poem as a whole isnt cliche. its very authentic in its feeling and longing
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Very pretty
Filled with the raw emotions of youthful love. *sigh* that is one lucky lady you write to. Well done.
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Moonlight and roses are beautiful.
Who cares if some think they are cliche? Certainly I don't.
As a matter of fact the world could use more moonlight and roses, and less death, decay and destruction.
BTW, the correct spelling for your title is "circa."
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The idea of it is amazing.I think it could have been a little better-written, somehow but still, a very, very good piece.
Keep the good stuff coming!
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Oh Phil...it's AMAZING!
*swoon*
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BRAVO
You wrote a masterpiece. I love the whole piece.
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Loved it!!
It was so beautifully written...any girl would melt at your feet over something like this...great flow, excellent style...great write and keep on writing.
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wonderful , living in an 1850s farmhouse I often think of things like this . This is just so wonderful ! thank you for sharing this on this cold Autumn evening
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Nice piece!
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that was soooooo good keep on writting, do you get payed? lol nice work.
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Brilliant!!! I really enjoyed this, you captured emotions I am feeling at this very moment with much more grace and beauty than I could ever have mustered. Very empresive my friend!!!
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beautiful. reminds me so much of an old Jane Austen tale, and that is definately a good thing. keep writing. that was awesome.
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Beautiful
Absoultely wonderfully written. Flows very well, excellent rhythm. It's message and meaning are also elqouently portrayed and lovely.
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ouhhhh!!!So beautifully romantic!
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Omg Phil..I'm spotlighting this for front page. Hope it kicks in soon. This is one my favorite works you've done. It's wonderful!!! I hope that you write more like it!
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this is a very creative and cleverly crafted poem, i can just picture all the victorian ladies reaching for their fans. This is a very fine piece of poetry befitting of the victorian era, very whimsical, bravo I salute you
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Cute and clever
This will certainly get the Victorian lady's juices boiling. By the time you get to the last line they will have chewed all the bottons off your clothes. -
Simple foolish men driven by emotions are the best poets...
Because they speak from the heart and make you feel it. Anyone can become erudite and it's a neat parlor trick, but to make someone smile or mist up in the eye. Ah, now that can't be learned. Strong voice. I hope to read more by you.
Peace!
p.s. Circa is spelled circa... just so you know. -
aww this is truly truly beautiful!! So heartfelt!!! I love the way that you wrote this!! Its so lovely and so very very well written!!! You did such an incredible job!!! Your details and descriptions are so incredible and deep!!!! This is truly amazing!!! You have a real writing talent!!!! You portrayed this so well!!! This has a beautiful flow and the wording is well done!!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!!!!
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What ever era this gent hails from,he as written epitomizes every noble eloquince befitting a gentleman in all he should be. It's just down right beautiful verse.
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How beautiful! I loved the form, the imagery, the flow and the lovely sensitive nature of the gentleman who 'wrote' the letter. It really did feel very Victorian, with that Jane Austen/Charles Dickins magic. The title captured me because I wrote a poem (it's in my list of poems on my page) with the title 'A Victorian Letter', so I decided to look. I'm so very glad I did because this is an enchanting write.
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Wow, again you astound me with such elegance and beauty in your poetry, it always leaves me wondering whom you write each poem for. I guess we'll never know. But this is brilliant, and I'm sure whoever you wrote it for is beaming when they read this. Good job my dearest friend. You are truly a wonder ~ Kerri
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Each poem in it's own way contains a little portion of me, and a little portion of something that the intended audience can relate to. It's sort of reached a point where i feel even my fictional works have a portion of my subconscious present in them. But the signs are there if you know where to look for them. And if not, well, the mystery of the target is always an attractive quality too is it not?
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