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Her End

Shimmering brunette locks
No snarls amongst the twirling strands
Tight patterned tank top
Red, orange splashes, bright yellow specks
Skinny cuffed jeans
Dark wash, soft to the touch
Untied black and white converse
Treaded soles telling stories
Never found like this in public
Only thick baggy sweatshirts drape her figure in the eyes of society

Green blazing eye’s starring out into the midday sky
Smudged window holding her back from the world
Fluffy cotton clouds storming over the blue expanse
A moon sliver’s out from behind the clouds
The monstrous dream catchers
The cold child’s doom
The lovely eye’s of this onlooker wonder yonder the hills and the fields
Soft rosy lips mouthing her freedom
Raising her delicate fingertips to the sun warmed glass she shivers
Excitement embodies her frail frame

Just as she begins to believe she is free
Free with the cloud to roam the beauty of the world
A growl comes from downstairs
She has forgotten her father’s dinner
She is surly in for it now
Rubbing the bruise against her cheek
She quickly crash’s into reality, soon slipping well out of it
Whispering to herself she is walking towards freedom, she walks towards the end

Author notes

prompt 12 =]

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • stargazer.
    November 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Good flow

    I really like this poem especially
    how you started by just describing
    the picture then went into deeper
    description.

    Okay so im only going to critique
    one thing and it is maybe change
    the format a little just an idea
    but I think maybe you could break
    the 2nd stanza in half and make
    it a separate third stanza.

    Great write good luck in the contest