As I lie there I think "I am strong" dying slowly from age to sickness watching as loved one's go one by one before me to the pearly or unknown gates of the afterlife.
As the ones I love so, die painfully infront of me I feel as if I were shot. Feeling pain and agony, afterwards, speaking silently to myself "I am a soldier" as they moan in pain before silence passes on afterwards.
I carry on and gain a new crush, a new person in life as it moves forwards. I talk for a while before hearing an unfamiliar, load, disruptive, and vial noise. A gunshot, down through the hallways and dead silence afterwards before I hear blood falling drop by drop. Knowing who it is, standing there face in fright as I countinue to stare straight forwards.
Because of the recognition, My face slowly goes blank, no emotion follows while I speak up "I am a man," and with that I hold my stomach sickly as if turned inside out.
I sit in school reading a book. A book of others pain, of others troubles and I start to think to myself. And with that I feel as if a sharp stabbing is occuring within my heart as blood pours and spills from the place where my heart is set. Looking down, only to see the damage my soul has taken on over time.
I shed a tear before really crying with a long lost feeling and say "I am not as strong as I thought, I am but a boy that cannot keep pretending to be a man, I am but a young boy who tries his best, who is not perfect. Im but a follower of a higher power," and with that I continue to shed these tears to which felt warmer than the last.
Author notes
I'd like anyone who wants to and has the time to please tell me how this could be better, maybe correct minor or major/dramatical errors in my poem. What doesnt kill us, makes us stronger.
How is this? Whats your thought on it? What would make this better? Any other ideas for the title?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Shannen
aw..that was cool. Sorta Sad.
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I really like it But i disagree with the last stanza
Everyone is stronger then they think. Sometimes it doesnt feel that way but trust me its true. Even when ur at ur weakest point ur still strong. I really loved the feelings and emotions in this piece. Good work. -
so many emotions.. it's beautiful...
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wow. this is amazing. you honestly shouldnt change anything..it really is great..wow..so many emotcions..for once someone has rendered me speechless..wow..
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I am not much in to critical critiquing but only relating to emotions and how something I read relates to life. To me this tells the story of a masked pain hidden by the portrayal of strength more than pride and the breakdown of tears and yet in the end of it...hope really is all we have as we hang on to the higher power. I really liked reading this and relating. Painful but the words here leaves a lasting impression of realities of life and living.
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Appreciative
I thank you for commenting on my poem, though flawed as it is and for understanding one of the meanings I had developed for it as I wrote it. I go through my days under a lot of pressure and stress due to personal and social problems, family and friends, etc... And people just tell me to "ignore it" all... I don't believe ignoring something makes it go away as people seem to believe but instead just causes it to build up. I once again appreciate you taking your time to read this poem of mine and hope you have a great day.
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