Those light etched clouds with linings of gold
latch onto the sunshine and linger there,
taunting my heart for the world to behold.
Jeering me, for their misty fingers hold
the midday sun's sweet warm loving flare,
those light etched clouds with linings of gold.
It’s tender and fine, this here I’m told,
yet my finger burn at love’s heat and glare,
taunting my heart for the world to behold.
My heart’s set burring and passion scold
for I can never caress heat, unlike those, fair
those light etched clouds with linings of gold.
Their bellowing laughter be both silent, and bold
with those white weeding gowns they vainly wear
taunting my heart for the world to behold.
These graying clouds, that are so uncontrolled
with solemn forms, we make a wondrous pair.
Those light etched clouds with linings of gold
taunting my heart for the world to behold.
Author notes
This poetic form is a villanelle. be nice please, its my first attempt. I am not sure if the last two lines in the quatrain have to be a heroic couplet or not, if you know this please pass the knowledge on to me so I can fix my poem accordingly.
This poem was inspired by those golden linings you see when the clouds hide the sun from you, letting the suns heat just barley touch your face.
Comments
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Very, very nice job. I think the sound you chose to use as your repetitive rhyme took a little away from the poem because there was little that could keep the rhyme going. I don't know much about the form itself, but I do now! Great job! Word choice and flow were very good.
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I am sorry that I can't honestly help with critiquing the form as I am unfamiliar with it but for the poem itself, I think you have captured that moment within the sky so well and with such vivid imagery. This was a joy to read!
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Alright so I'm young, I don't know ton's of big word's but I must say that your poem use's word's that I could only dream to think of while writing. Great word choice
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