Little girls skip and scream
as fear settles in
Petite children cry
engulfed by the famine
tired from the drought
intesnse heat burns
their naked skin
engraving the mark of the poor
More corpses
old ones, with new
rotting children
too young to understand
Author notes
Prompt: La petite mort
Format: Acrostic
I researched it, but had a rough understanding that the words meant the little death. I haven't done it adult and went away from the facts as it could be refered to the children in developing countries who die of starvation cause of drout. I hope this is in a sense what you are looking for
A contest entry
- i watched her die many times. by Death of the Author.
700 points, ended November 16, 2008, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What you think?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Haha with my last stanza the acrostic came out as
la petite coat
*rolls eyes* -
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Lol all the things you pointed are typo's considering I am relying on touch typing skills to get my places as my eyes are very blurry so struggle to read what I write most the time, will edit it. Thanks for the lengthy comments lol
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Haha, sorry, I ramble
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Damn I posted that entire comment without even realising it was an acrostic. Now I look very silly
I still think if you re-worded the final stanza you could make it more punchy.
The fact you made it an acrostic is really cool.
Thanks again
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droubt = drought
intesnse = intense, though I'm sure that one is just a typo
their naked skin
engraving the mark of the poor - yes, very good.
More corpses lay
old one with the new
rotting dead children
too young to understand
I think omitting some words might make it more puncy
Corpses;
old with new
as rotting children lie
too young to understand - fix the typo in your last line as well
One big quibble is the title. I'd love you to be a little more imaginative.
Other than that, good job. It's a different take on the prompt. Thanks for entering x
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