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a story of smoke signals and colder nights


 

 

 

 

i am loved by a man
who would wrap me in grapevine

drag hip and hair through hayfields, sing an owl's song in pitch dark

 

and call me always, his wicked, wicked cell mate, his moon, his north
 
in a spit

of flame

 

i am five blue hues
six passive notions
and a lean toward the door handle

none of which casts a warm glow or earns proper ceding


and on a dark stretch of night
i hum an unplanting
of dogma
of fire
of a dormant daisy, long since bloomed pretty
                                            in the ditch;    smoke fills the car
                                            maple leaves burn red and orange


and a cat's yellow eyes stare headlights

tomorrow he will not come when called

over and over again
he will not return

my hands are busy creatures; stringing words together, tapping time in my lap, unraveling blue thread from the hem of a coat

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

-

A contest entry

do me.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 68 of 68

  • EstherG
    July 15

    Edit | Reply
    Impossibly lovely - all colour and captured image and gorgeousness, from flames to cats to drifting bits of thread.

    Sort of witchy in its weaing, this. I love it.

    "drag hip and hair through hayfield"

    Oh, how I love spare and beautiful, and this is the MOST spare, the MOST beautiful thing.


  • Kittywaver
    March 9
    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    SO AWSOME. I have never seen poetry like that before.


  • just rob gold member
    December 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Whenever I think I'm getting a handle on metaphor and image, start to outgrow my hat, I need only read you. Drop-jawed and speechless, I can only offer congrats on a WELL deserved win...


  • Joseph Hollis
    November 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is absolutely gorgeous. Such brilliant imagery in this piece and the word choice is spot-on. I enjoyed the crafting and presentation as well. Thank you for sharing.


  • Cup-a-Joe
    November 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I will have what ever the lady is having.
    Joe


  • Re-invention silver member
    November 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow... truly metaphoric... nicely penned my friend.. greatfully enjoyed good luck@!


  • Jeremy0826 silver member
    November 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is amazing and so well thought out!
    I love the imagery and metaphor in this.
    Lovely work here my friend and good luck
    to you with it in this contest!




    Jeremy0826


  • motel silver member
    November 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    as always, the way beauty is strung in the choice of words and imagery .... thanks.


  • Puking Faerie Dust gold member
    November 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love the formatting you use.. it helped the flow feel more natural to go along with the poetry. It made me sad though 'cause my cat has been gone for two weeks and I don't know where he is Though that's not the point of the poem of course. I'll hush now.
    Jeanette*~


    • Cat gold member
      November 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      sad about your cat... it is a horrible wait when your cat disappears...

      we had one do that..and six months later found it roaming the streets of our little town... followed him.. he went to another house...they opened and let him in... when we knocked on the door they lied and said
      they had the cat since he was a kitten...
      we couldn't do anything about it

      • Puking Faerie Dust gold member
        November 26, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        that's so terrible. I would have been devastated! Selfish people.. but I guess he was happy. As for mine, I just can't help but be pessimistic with finding him =/


  • Age of Rain
    November 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    fantastic use of metaphor and imagery. You definately used the entire page which gives it a prosey feel. This was good.


  • sharptooth
    November 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like this , quite a lot.
    & if i wasn't late for class as I was commenting, I'd probably elaborate, but great job.

  • Amethyst MoonShadow
    November 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    There is just something about the way this flowed that strikes me the most. Wonderfully written in the way that it does reach out and grab the attention while leaving a lingering effect even when finished! A delight to read!


  • voodoo ink Greeters member
    November 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What I got out of this: Seems like a person longing to be so much more, then a past time, missing the care-free days and beauty of her youthfulness...and then a sort of sadness, with the cat part, and calling his name and he never returns...this was very well written..


  • stylization
    November 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    oopsies, forgot these.

  • stylization
    November 17, 2008

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    This is amazing. I love the way you formatted it and the wording. The imagery and metaphor here was stunning. It just blew me away. Amazing piece.

  • Eusebius
    November 17, 2008

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    yes, most gradly done in contemporary style, indeed, kind of a rare orange buzz bomb/roman candle of neat niftiness and very virtuosic....cool...


  • aboomer silver member
    November 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Love the depth and all the images in this.
    best wishes in your contest.


  • Todays Poem Box
    November 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Nominated by Adsaige


  • Todays Poem Box
    November 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Today's Poem: 11/16/2008


    • Cat gold member
      November 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thank you
      as i said on your page- this is indeed a wonderful, giving idea-
      and i am honored

      Mary


  • Disturbed Prodigy
    November 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    again you have left me with out much to say, this poem read like a kind of blues song and that is what i like about it, keep it flowing


  • MermaidSinging68
    November 14, 2008
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    fantastic!

    awesome imagery and great flow. love it!


  • Balldinger silver member
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    More blankets...

    self selection - the method of a murmuring madness. one batch of madness deserves another, and I find it quite intriguing - the needle that sews it all together is a missing piece of metal hiding not inside a haystack in a field or a barn, but more than likely teters on the edge of some leveled shelf near the edge of a seamstress' favorite Kinnell collection. Just a magnet away from telling her most likely learned direction. Ooo, what a lucky man he was...


    • Cat gold member
      November 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      your comments always beat my poetry hands down...


      • Balldinger silver member
        November 14, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        oh, bull smack! you're the Cat's meow, and I'm sure your carpenter knows it - first hand...


  • milkdrop
    November 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    !!!


  • AJ Morelli gold member
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    there is a nakedness to your poetry, strength and vulnerability delivered in equal measure to incredible effect...

    "i am five blue hues
    six passive notions
    and a lean toward the door handle"

    who else could have written this...


  • Cannonsfire
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    If I even tried to dissect this I'd be useless at it because i get something from it each time and it's always different!


  • Jaden silver member
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    yeah, love, it's good, especially when there's a proverbial
    cell mate involved. I like this cat. meow.


  • DogFish silver member
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "and call me always, his wicked, wicked cell mate, his moon, his north..."
    you are a poetic lodestone!


    • Cat gold member
      November 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      lol... i had to look that up to see if it was a compliment...

      still not sure...

  • silverfish
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    steal this imagery

    there's a lot to appreciate here but i'm lazy so i'm going to say that i like best the unraveling blue thread at the hem end of the poem, both hot like a blue flame, cold as compressed ice. -silverfish


  • patchgirl
    November 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    nice

    Not much to say besides it was great, I liked it.
    (I'm not one of many words so yeah...)


  • notorious gold member
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Your writing is always clean and perfect...
    like a white tablecloth, except uneaten on.

    ...
    that was a very bad, horrendous simile to try to capture the gift of your perfect writing.

    Anywho.

    'grape vine'<==one word...'grapevine', unless you wanted to separate them

    "wicked, wicked cell mate, his moon, his north"
    Huzzah! Love the repetition of 'wicked'; it's wicked awesome...

    "or earns proper ceding"
    Whenever you use 'and' or 'or', I get excited about the comparisons...

    "a cat's yellow eyes stare headlights"
    Oh that is awesome imagery; frankly, the headlights make me think of the cat's yellow eyes...
    I believe that's the mark of a perfect metaphor; when it's so cohesive you believe it in it entirely.

    "my hands are busy creatures; stringing words together, tapping time in my lap, unraveling blue thread from the hem of a coat"
    DAMNATION.


    Your hands type the best poems ever.

    Jessica


  • tara wilson gold member
    November 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    excellent. this is a pleasure to read, Mary=)


    • Cat gold member
      November 11, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      you think?


      • tara wilson gold member
        November 11, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        LOL



        too funny, Mary....


        • Cat gold member
          November 11, 2008
          Edit | Reply


          • tara wilson gold member
            November 11, 2008
            Edit | Reply
            see what i mean


            • Cat gold member
              November 11, 2008
              Edit | Reply
              lol... no.. but i am getting a kick out of it


              • tara wilson gold member
                November 11, 2008
                Edit | Reply
                well, I don't really know what you meant by 'you think'. =)

                • Cat gold member
                  November 12, 2008
                  Edit | Reply
                  lol....well you had a whole lot more written
                  when i wrote it... now it stands out like a sore thumb
                  at first you were telling me to
                  take him and hold him


  • Crowheart
    November 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    well here MC have another one on me!
    :}

  • Crowheart
    November 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Grunts Girl said it all in the comments. Let me humbly add:

    Every one of your writes
    fill me
    with novella dreams
    in rain drop cadence


    u go girl


  • Luna Tique Fringe
    November 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i am so stunned, i could only babble at this point..so i will spare myself the embarassment, and you the task of wiping up the drool..

    poetry lives


  • misselaineous
    November 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    very nice


  • nancy drew
    November 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    so, this is fabulous. gave me shivers. i want to be able to write like this someday.

    helen~


  • Grunts Girl silver member
    November 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i am always busy with my hands too.... the last line was so personal to me..
    i find myself fidgitting and unraveling things when i am nervous.

    I went to a place of being loved so deeply and lusted for so passionately and not having that same level in return.
    i went to a place where love must learn to grow- yet it honestly may but passion never will
    i went to a place that was stable though... and even if no passion existed- it was companionship- you know? now that is gone and i sit and wonder while unraveling the hem, was i mean, do i sit in guilt?...

    and then of course me being me... went to a horrible dark place of sexual abuse/rape that i dont need to elaborate on. (but that is just in my twisted fucked up head- from seeing women in the rape center doing exactly your last line- specially the stringing words together - holding on by that only thread there...

    i loved that last line so much- i may have said that already but it brings back so many memories for me- of feeling that way and of those who i have known who just hang on by the thread that they pull themselves... sort of a stupid self sabbotage thing...

    i loved your title... i feel almost that we do try to send up smoke signals when we are not connected... try to keep some sort of SOS thread connection even if disfunctional, even if out of some weird selfish nature....out of our own emotional fucking igloos

    and i am rambling on and on....

    i loved the expressions relating toward fire- colors, passions, all of it.

    • Cat gold member
      November 11, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      i find myself coming back to this over and over again and marvel at how much you find in a piece of poetry... it is a gift you have- to find the hidden bits and pieces and to tell the poet.. i see it

      • Grunts Girl silver member
        November 11, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        it is only because i can trust you with my thoughts
        and know that no matter what i say
        you wouldnt be mad at me

        that speaks volumes in itself.


    • Cat gold member
      November 11, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      you continue to amaze

  • Rowan gold member
    November 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I was trying to think of something for this contest, now it looks like I'm gonna have to dig really, really deep, and after reading this I can't seem to find my shovel, shite... lol. Speechless. Excellent hon.


  • transcendental baby gold member
    November 11, 2008
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    Now that's the way it's done! Great job!


  • charcoal
    November 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    love that title (: yeah I'm beginning to see how a good title can add so much to the poem.

    this gave me the impression of someone who knows she is difficult to love but can't help being that way.
    sorry if I got it wrong though.

    love that last line.

    your poetry is so elegant and refined. one needs a sophisticated palate to appreciate it. am getting there I hope (:


  • Peteskid gold member
    November 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    the colors and the cadence here for me... bring the message, such wondeful ideas... fire in so many forms; an episode...connects to the reader, remarkable...PK


  • IronIcecream
    November 11, 2008

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    what ever they say don't remove the "over and over again"

    don't know if you intended but you can be smart and say yes it was unintentional poetic intuition

    look why:

    a cat's yellow eyes stare the headlights
    over and over again

    tomorrow he will not come when called
    over and over again

    he will not return

    over and over again
    my hands are busy creatures; stringing words together, tapping time in my lap, unraveling blue thread from the hem of a coat


    it's sor tof a "cliche" that is not "a cliche"
    guess it's the definition of something
    something like a refrain
    maybe



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