& the fractured porcelain of this body isn't good enough for you
but baby, I could be your cherry lipgloss image of perfection--x;
Forget whatever it was that made me so [un]lovable -
I can fuck you like a super star,
vomit rainbows & inject glitter
to make my pores {{s*h*i*n*e}}
like glow-in-the-dark condoms.
I can fix my hair & colour my bleeding eyes,
super-glue my torn heart♥ back together,
hide the bruises of my liposuctioned thighs,
& become your masterpiece [scalpel please.]
Baby, I can be yours, if you want me {take me}
& these bruises you inflicted can blossom
into the delicate blue shades of depression
as I let potential slip through my fingertips
like vodka shots down my [burning] throat.
My body your commodity - use it as you will;
I'm only a cardboard cutout of a girl,
made purely for your entertainment;;
a pin-up poster [whore], your sex toy
disguised as a paper bag princess---x.
Author notes
Collab with sinnocence ♥
A contest entry
- & I should know, that you're no good for me. by innocence jaded.xx.
1300 points, ended November 27, 2008, 40 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - & sometimes the prettiness never dies♥ by Midnight-x-Rose.
400 points, ended December 30, 2008, 32 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
-
You could use more dirty pretty. Amazing story! Good luck and thanks for entering my contest.
-heva -
Wow, this is really raw. Nice job
-
Gawd this piece is so amazing! I loved how sexual it was, its almost like people are afraid to verbalize this sort of thing! This made my day-
I can fuck you like a super star,
vomit rainbows & inject glitter
to make my pores {{s*h*i*n*e}}
like glow-in-the-dark condoms.
Great, great, great job!
Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest
-B -
This is a very sad piece, but a wonderful write none the less!
Bravo! -
First off I love the poem. In most cases your use of brackets, punctuation etc enhanced the meaning of your write and its intensity. There were a couple of spots that the intensity was the same for me with or without the additional punctuation though.
For me, [un]lovable, {{s*h*i*n*e}}, and [scalpel please.] all added to the poem perfectly. As did the hyphenation of glow in the dark.
The heart at the end of heart didnt really make the word heart stronger and for me {take me} would have been equally strong on its own line without the brackets or even in the line it sits in. The line is strong as worded without benefit of additional punctuation.
The use of the & symbol worked well visually with the poems layout even at the beginning of the line, but the word [burning] did not become more intense with its brackets nor did the word [whore] in the last line.
Again, I really loved the poem and I think you did a great job not over doing the punctuation. I was not blind by the time I was finished and I was not distracted from the meaning of the poem.
Sadly, too many girls of all ages can relate to the feelings expressed. Glad I clicked.
-
This could almost be a song. I really like it. Wonderful job. =]]]
-
This is raw & expressive, it kind of reminds me a little of me as well, you know just how to make me feel, this is so hard to read in many ways as I feel I get used and abused in this way all the time, or at least most of the time.
-
I can fuck you like a super star,
vomit rainbows & inject glitter
to make my pores {{s*h*i*n*e}}
like glow-in-the-dark condoms.
I can fix my hair & colour my bleeding eyes,
super-glue my torn heart♥ back together,
hide the bruises of my liposuctioned thighs,
& become your masterpiece [scalpel please.
I pretty much want to elope with this! its awesome!
Thanks for entering and good luck. Keep writing.
Peace and looove
-B -
I am sorry that you feel this way about yourself and I hope you can find someone you can show you just how beautiful you truly are.
This poem was great. The emotions were honest and raw. Your metaphors and imagery were penned well, also. -
i hate that you feel this way , i ahve the self hate but i nver went as far as you
besides that its a great poem well done
blessins on you , its nice to meet another from my country -
I really liked the metaphor. It was almost like, writing in dirty pretty, you used dirty pretty as the metaphor.
Your images were well done and the flow was spot on. Your phrasing was very creative for a piece of this style.
Not too bad, up there with "emo" poems Thanks for the entry.
-
this is amazing.
beautiful in a completely screwed up way, gosh i've felt like this far too often.
& the crudeness of this stanza, is brilliant, it stands out so vividly:
'I can fuck you like a super star,
vomit rainbows & inject glitter
to make my pores {{s*h*i*n*e}}
like glow-in-the-dark condoms.'
thanks for entering
♥
-
WOW. Amazinggg. I absolutely LOVED this. I'm in complete awe right now. Very well written, and I love the meaning that comes across from this poem. The whole "needing to be perfect" message was clear and just so fucking vivid and real. Simply incredible. Thank youuu for entering this & good luck in my contest ♥
-
Beautiful in a sickly twisted sense of reality. You are a poet that even Poe would be jeleous of.
-
Lovely. I adore dirty pretty, personally, and I really dig the creative use of words that are not typically used together. By far and away, my favorite stanza is:
"& these bruises you inflicted can blossom
into the delicate blue shades of depression
as I let potential slip through my fingertips
like vodka shots down my [burning] throat. "
Nice job, ladies.
♥♥♥
-
Its rare that someone takes the time and effort to put together a piece like this. I really really liked your 'poem'.
-
I love it. It's very powerful. The only thing that bothers me are the heart, it just made me pause where there wasn't supposed to be a pause. Otherwise, love it
-
omg!! I love it! its soo good!!
-
omg! this is one of the most powerful pieces I have read in a while. thank you so much for sharing
-
♥
Adding your comment:
1 - 20 of 20
