Wet night of the cloudburst
When the floods and the traffic
Clog the roads—
The policeman
Waving his glowing batons
Muffled in raincoat—
Sodden like a seed—
Why did we argue?
Why did you hurl that unkind word on me?
Why did I respond the way I did?
I will be home at eight to a warm supper
Of steaming rice and tapioca and pickle
And you, three hours hence—
In all probability—
To pickle and tapioca and steaming rice.
We both need a hot bath before the meal
Back from the wet and the cold...
I can imagine,
You stretching aching legs under the table,
As the old dame
Ladles rice on to your plate.
A funny expression you have on your face,
Mustachios combed down!
Shhhhh… she tells you,
In a hush
Swinging out of reach—
The children,
Don’t you wake them up!
****
A contest entry
- What Went Wrong? (prewrites welcome) by Danna Hobart.
490 points, ended January 12, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I like the style that the poem is written in. Even though it is a narrative poem, you still use a lot of imagery. That is talent.
Thank you for entering my contest. -
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Thank you Danna. I haven't learned poetry. Am just trying to communicate simplest I could what happens to me during moments of heightened sensitivity. And English is not my mother tongue. We need no language when it is love.
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metaphoric
This is pathetic fallacy, and a very skillful use of if, to invest the story of coming back after the storm (argument) with real details of cold and wet.
Why do we argue, what can we gain from hurting those we love? I try not to do that anymore, it hurt too much. The "old dame" is a wise one, because it is the details that get us through big challenges; warm food is close to the heart. I like the verse - very close to home.
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Thanks Margaret. It was a moment when frames and identities merged to show the whole. Being aware of what is happening...that is something. A real change. We have to look at things without judgement, without wanting to defend and justify, to see the real. I am beginning to learn this.
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