meeting with you in
New Haven was no small feat
on my part, in fact
it was so spectacular,
I've forgot it already
to bring up something
a lot more pressing and true,
a broken promise
spun out and upside down, a
new revelation at hand,
winter dawns without
bringing any hope for my
seclusion, solitary
attainment of sanity
slowly breaks down,
on a cold new years day when
when drunken fellows
fail to cheer up a polar
opposite of what she wants
or needs,
attaining nothing,
finding nothing of any
worth or glory, to
boast to the fellows back home,
who smite the remains of my
past loves and interests,
who claw at my cranium
giving me no rest
tonight, or any other
for that matter, you see it
all makes perfect sense,
why an insomniac cries
for morning never
to come up from behind, and
start choking the shining moon
A contest entry
- & all the pretty flowers in the dust ♥ by Immortal Obscurity.
400 points, ended December 4, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Indeed, this is very well written! I love the alliteration in 'claw at my cranium', and the poem is a lot better as a whole now that I've had a chance to read over it again when it's not 3 AM and I'm falling asleep at my keyboard
Excellent use of imagery and devices, and it's into the finalists' list for you! Well done & good luck!
Laura
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"meeting with you in New Haven" - you caught me interest with that conversational beginning. The story is a bit of a downer but the way you have written it isn't. I like the last stanza about the insomniac and morning choking the moon.
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oo i like this is a lot Pat. lots of good emotions and imagry in it I hope it does well in the contest you entered it in.
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