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Precipatory Forevers

Watching chilled drops of rain
do their suicidal ballet,
falling to a damp death
on the rotting wood of my deck
and I am left to wonder
if they’d fall even if I didn’t sit
to see their failures?

Empty clouds shrink into themselves,
having purged the wintered downpour
like a bulimic on an explosive spree,
turning evermore inward
and I whisper to them,
begging them to keep moving
because when they are still, my heart ruptures.

A crack of angry lightning
splits the sky in raging brutality
and I smile at the humanity
of her emotional nature.
The white hot heat spreads the legs
of the heavens, stealing off
into the night with her virginity.

Author notes

It rained a bit this afternoon & I'm in an odd frame of mind...

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

  • Atrus
    September 21

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    I like Ryno's comment below except that I disagree with his comment about "angry lightning." The adjective there gives the lightning character and you've done a wonderful job at creating non-cliched character in this poem. I also disagree with his comment about creating emotion in the poem --- I've been reading a lot of poems lately that clobber the reader over the head with straight-out telling what emotions are taking place (which doesn't really help the reader feel that emotion deep within themselves), but the last three lines of this poem, for example, gives a really profound final feeling that will stick with the reader for a while after leaving the poem. Great job and best of luck in the contest. (Plus I liked the idea of raindrops hitting the ground as failures of sorts)


  • Dragonbabyx3
    December 5, 2008

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    This is awesome! I love the sense of morbidity in the beginning, as well as the ending. This really appeals to my imagination, You did a wonderful job here, Thankyou for entering my contest, and Good Luck!


  • Ryno
    November 24, 2008

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    Well, that odd frame of mind made for brilliant imagery.

    With the exception of the phrase "angry lightning" (which, I found personally cliche) this imagery is damn brilliant and creative...you really apply the rainstorm through to our own senses, and I almost hear the rain outside even though it is sunny.

    I don't think this piece quite matched up to the others on the emotional connection, because it didn't have an evident or overwhelming emotion, however, some of the images made me feel some emotions and there were a few pangs of feelings throughout.

    Beatufil, enchanting piece. I liked it

  • Ryno
    November 22, 2008
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    feeling it
    ~prewrites, come and get them