blue lakes make for brown eyes
you would work
but not bleed
scream at southern continents
for your mother's mind
to wander back
to the mountains
where they act like her cage
and corner
her soul
to finger paint its bones
because
her body is now
the oracle of psychosis,
a mouth full of
punctured words to speak
at the breathing walls
all around
when your veins reversed circulation
and fingers rolled west
could you believe
it had come to this
gluing your lips shut
just to tear at skin
and preach
to the bugs biting at your legs-
no one
in this world is holy
but you were the closest warmth
I ever felt to fire
teaching me that doubt
fuels exploration
and choosing to leave
results in everything you gain
but now
you chased the bees from your head
poured wax in your ears
to make a mold of your skull
left it
at my door
attached with the details
of your day and
how you had gone without me
to the unspoken mecca
of where it all began;
the bread now molding
in circles
that resemble eyes
as waiting becomes an endless
insomnia
where my stomach hoards bile
and the only thing worth reading
is the clock
Author notes
in the cold i'm standing - http://hypem.com/track/678084/M83-In+the+Cold+I%27m+Standing
In a list
A contest entry
- journey by autarky.
900 points, ended November 21, 2008, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
critiques are always nice
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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"how you had gone without me
to the unspoken mecca"
i love this poem=)
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Reverse circulation!?!?!? Errrrrrrrrrrrrr JP?! When did you get so amazing, you fiery little sun-punch. You astound me And thanks for reminding me how far I have yet to go - arsehole!! LOL! Love to you pumpkin
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"no one
in this world is holy
but you were the closest warmth
I ever felt to fire"
i absolutely love this part, jp, and the rest of it too. but if i had to pick a favourite bit, it'd be this. just... ugh, i can relate to it so much.
i'm uncertain if it's intentional, but you used "mold/molding" (my british brain anally thinks that this should be "mould"). i know it's two different contexts, just something to consider.
amazing work... as always!
-christie
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damn. this is just, wow.
-
I gape in awe
-
but now
you chased the bees from your head
poured wax in your ears
to make a mold of your skull ...
that was amazing ... the way you took something so out of the box and made it fit perfect into this piece ... good luck in the contest!!!
-
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this is one of the most inspiring things i've read from you, all fantastic
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I love the title.
<3
"the bread now molding
in circles
that resemble eyes"
I loooved that part its very visual. =]
♥ -
Shit.
I just looked at the contest it's in.
I'm panicking now. -
That whole last stanza is so amazing I want to eat it. I've added it to my quotes collection, haha.
But really ... how much perfection can you create?
[and I hope it's a hell of a lot because I'm inthe mood for reading!]
-
i'm wide awake it's morning.
this poem made me type that.
oh god.
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god, I don't know how you always manage to invoke such "Fuck, this is good" in me.
That's why it takes me at least ten minutes (or ten days) to actually bother to comment on your poems; your words implant my brain with seeds of envy.
LOVE your title, first of all; how fucking unique is that? And brown eyes...the most underrated eyes EVER. LMAO
"scream at southern continents
for your mother's mind"
Um, uniquity is screaming here out of MY mind. I love this.
"to finger paint it's bones"==>its, lose the apostrophe
But this is really kick-ass; I can see it and it's creepy and cool.
"her body is now
just the oracle of psychosis,"
'oracle' 'psychosis'
You know...
you ALWAYS use cool words that aren't pretentious; proof that you are giftedgiftedgifted. Loooooveed!!!
"reversed circulation"
Where do you think of this?
I loved this. You make me like anatomy references in poems.
"could you believe
it had come to this"
So bluntly stated...I loveth it.
"no one
in this world is holy"
OHMYHOLYgod.
I...
this was the part that truly slayed me, Buffy-style. "no one/in this world is holy"
I think I've fallen in love with that line.
"teaching me that doubt
fuels exploration
and choosing to leave
results in everything you"
Love the use of 'fuels' and being taught doubt...
learning can be BAD sometimes. <==I know that sounded so juvenile, but yeah.
"but now
you chased the bees from your head"
Tense-wise, this confused me. If this is 'now', shouldn't 'chased' be 'chase'?
"left it
at my door
attached with the details
of your day and
how you had gone without me"
Fuck yes. Details being attached on a door...WOWWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW
Every time you mention bread,
I feel hungry, but not in a physical way.
Last two lines...♥♥♥
Jessica
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eyes rolling west and bread that molds in the shapes of the eyes is great
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