I lay under cover of a great old oak,
Amidst ruby petaled flowers grown wild,
Left to wonder do I have a place on this planet,
Or am I here for a purpose yet unannounced,
Knowing nothing yet has been able to comfort my inner despair,
Dark thoughts have flooded my unstable mind,
Staring up at a gloomy grey cloud filled sky,
Knowing soon rain will shower my almost lifeless body,
A broken and frayed noose hangs from the lowest branch,
Taunting me with harsh unkind words meant for a tormented soul,
An attempt to end my sorrow and guilt ridden life,
Failed at the fault of ancient threads and body mass,
Put together in a battle of force of which gravity won,
Bruised and defeated with shattered hopes I cry tears of which may form a river,
Laying like a puppet without a puppeteer,
Or a poet without a muse,
I feel hopeless and lost with nothing to guide me,
Forever left with my brittle thorn covered flowers and grey skies,
An angel with broken wings,
Not destined to fly,
But for all eternity grounded to this woeful planet...
Author notes
I don't think this is "emo whiny garbage", but it may be. I hope I am not glorifying suicide, I don't think I am, I used a free verse rhyme...
A contest entry
- & all the pretty flowers in the dust ♥ by Immortal Obscurity.
400 points, ended December 4, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Hmmm... Dark: check. Imagery: check. Whiny emo garbage: ...
This is definitely not whiny or emo, and I don't think you've glorified suicide at all. You quite accurately captured the mind of someone who just wants to die, or to disappear without a trace. I would know; I've been there.
Just a tip: I recommend breaking this up into smaller stanzas. Given the heavy subject-matter, you'll suffocate your reader if you don't break it up somehow. We need time to digest the sheer impact of this write.
Well done & thanks for entering
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very dark, and sad. Good luck
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Thanks...
Thankyou for the advice and beautiful comments... -
Outstanding
This is such a deep poem filled with sadness. The imagery is brilliant and sets this a part. I especially liked the lines:
Laying like a puppet without a puppeteer,
Or a poet without a muse,
I liked the emotion in this and the sense of despair which you made very real. I think we all feel like this at times, as if life is pointless. Then something happens and we see the beauty of life and it all seems worthwhile again. Best of luck in the contest.
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this could be thinned out and the language cleaned up to give more of an impact
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