Nothing In Return

Not thinking of myself
I do what I can, everything I can possibly do
Just to make life easier on you

I make sure you're warm at night
Call you to make sure that every things  alright
I let things slide
Put the pain out of my mind
Forgive you for every little thing
No matter how much sorrow it brings
No matter the stress
Anguish or pain, but nevertheless
I do my best to please you
Make everything I can, easier on you
But no matter what I do
I see nothing in return
I go on never seeing you unless I make the effort
I go on feeling abandoned and shoved aside
as I always come in last to you

But I let it slide
Never in front of you do I cry
I try
I try to push it from my mind
Leave the anger and the feeling neglect behind
I just close my eyes and try to forget
It's hard, but I always forgive you for the pain
The strain I put on myself to care for you
To continue doing the things I do
Letting you walk all over me
And pretend I don't exist

I've noticed you put family first
That's good
Actually that's great
So being the way I am I wait
But next comes work
That's okay, I can understand
So being considerate I withstand the sadness
Ah, to you Next comes World of War Craft and Chris
I keep it to myself, but secretly I feel hated, still I exist
Then next comes your ex
You know I thought I would at least come next
But no, next comes your other friends
and I am left there alone, the smile I still manage to wear is pretend
Still I don't come after even that
actually I never come
not unless you want something

You only care about you
what you want is all that matters
my feelings don't count for anything
and I go on trying to please you
what can I do to make you see
all the suffering you cause me?

I feel used
abused
and thrown to the side
where I finally break down and cry

Secretly

You make me want to die


and yet I still love you

how ironic