Your name rings in my ear,
To the tune of a single lonely flute,
Your memory brings me to tear,
You are still the object of my desire, my poisoned fruit,
I still feel your last darkened glance, my mind now in despair,
Your last kiss still burns with passion on my lips, causing a great dispute,
I want to forget, yet hold on to our last and tragic affair...
Author notes
--The Prompt--
"Your name dances on my lips,
like a funeral song
I'd rather forget the lyrics to." -Laura VBS
A contest entry
- it's quickie-time! by Immortal Obscurity.
500 points, ended November 10, 2008, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Great job,
You got the gold, but what else, it a great poem from a great poet, should have got two golds. I see you changed your name, I was wandering what an emo was anyway, I thought it was a puppet on Sesame Street? LOL Congrads on the gold.
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Thanks...
Thankyou everyone for your help and beautiful comments... -
the flute is the most haunting
it might only be the wind
you might use that image though out the poem
I think you could shorten the last lines and tighten the rhythm
I understand you were in a hurry when you wrote it
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Nice job. I loved the poem from start to finish. You have said alot in 7 lines. I think you did the end line rhyme very well. I love the reference to poisoned fruit. There are many who may miss the significance. Great job.
Mike
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well done for your first one
best of luck, sometimes they want a certain number of lines, sometimes a certain number of words. carefull they are addictive
Tasha
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Yes, I wanted a 7-line poem, and I wanted brilliance. Suffice to say, you have delivered on both counts This is written with a beauty and eloquence far beyond your 14 years... Well done, and thank you for entering
Laura
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this is exactly how to reserve
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