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Glass Puddles;

 


it made my toes curl
in a pathetic attempt
to keep the circulation
of my timid blood
flowing.

-it was draining
to be battered by
blistering hails
of winter hazards.

my nose once told me

it was at least minus 2,

 

-and that was the last

i heard from it.

 

 

 

 

Author notes

My AP name is: ElectricBloom

and this is... I think.. 48 words and 1 number :]

x

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • mrocun
    February 8
    Edit | Reply
    Veryyy wintery..
    Makes me feel cold just reading it lol.
    Well done


  • Sweet-Sins
    January 13

    Edit | Reply
    awww this is really good. I like the way you made it so effective without rhyming- you just used those brilliant short lines- it was so cool!
    It's great! And I'm glad you liked my poem!
    5*


  • xeroabyss II
    December 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is not unlike me standing outside my friends door last night, not knowing the bastard wasn't home!
    Then I started to feel crappy and started to daydream about wanting to freeze to death somewhere out in the abandoned cold.


  • AutumnGypsy gold member
    December 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This gave me a good giggle, about your nose, I hope you found it once the weather warmed Well written, congratulations on your bronze


  • whiterabbit.
    November 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really love this and I love the way that you write. It flows so beautifully. The ending is just amazing and it's cute too. Wonderful poem
    Thanks for entering.


  • styrofoam
    November 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    love the title (:
    the poem is cool. love the last four lines.


  • Kathleen a Nazarene
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Burrrrr.

    This is dark & foreboding! This is an outstanding write & especially from a 16 yr. old! Your word choice & detail are vivid..& the starkness of the write enhances the picture....one thing I just noticed:

    my nose once told me
    it was atleast [you need a space!] minus 2,

    I love the fact that your nose told you the temp! This line sets us up for the last:

    -and that was the last
    i heard from it.

    Really wish you younger folk weren't into this lack of punctuation and capitalization, but I see many talented young writers [of which you are one] using this type of non-grammatical write. I don't know whether to lump this into the category of not knowing proper grammar, or just rebellion! Whatever....trust you'll do well in the Contest!



    • ElectricBloom
      November 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for such a lovely comment!!

      haha, i do have a slight problem with capital letters. i think they make the page look a little messy! i just prefer lower case!! a little crazy of me - I know.

      Once again, thanks for the comment!
      It means alot

      x


  • SpoonsKill
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Your very talented, i love the way you word your poems, this poem is a really good write and i enjoied reading it


  • They Say Shannon
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is interesting.
    I like how it's so abstract and scattered,
    but collected at the same time.

    Nice job. (:


  • internal heights
    November 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I absolutely love those last two stanzas. The idea of your nose being able to tell temperature seems so odd but in reality it's so true. I'm not siked for winter but for some reason this makes me more optimistic towards it.


  • Death of the Author
    November 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great title and really good first stanza. I'm not sure about the use of "boycott", I don't know why...it just sounds a bit off.

    My nose told me - excellent.

    Good luck in the contest :

    • ElectricBloom
      November 10, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      haha, thanks. I thought of you when I chose my title.
      yeah, that words bugging me too =/

      thanks for the comment.


      • Death of the Author
        November 10, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Hahaha! Sweet

        Hmm...shall we brainstorm?

        • ElectricBloom
          November 10, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          hmm.. we could do.

          i really want a b word!!!
          i was kinda rushing 'cause i had to go out >.<


          • Death of the Author
            November 10, 2008
            Edit | Reply
            Would it be too forced to fit "blizzard" in there somewhere?

            • ElectricBloom
              November 10, 2008
              Edit | Reply
              Erm.. I think so. That would be way too much of a tongue twister.

              Might have to forget about a b word.

              I just don't want to end up using something like.. "wind" >.> 'cause how boring is that..
              how about "hails" or something?

1 - 19 of 19