The sky is falling
I chase after the pieces with my
wicker basket trying to catch the important stuff.
But whats vital, or not, when it comes to the sky?
I'm a barbie,
and little brother has twisted my head off.
Neck now jabbing into brains,
I'm trying to carry on the charade.
I'm a toilet,
and some toddlers Lego is blocking continuity.
Beware the explosion
I'm walking around here
a half wound watch
and I don't know how to set things straight
Everyone see's that the tock tick is off
and the bile is rising
But no one seems to know how to fix it
Author notes
Feeling like my world is spinning out of control.
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Well described.the inner turmoil we all face at times.Excelent, Ros
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The sky is falling
I chase after the pieces with my
wicker basket trying to catch the important stuff.
But whats vital, or not, when it comes to the sky? <<< i loved these lines they were so abstract and unreal but they were true ! how would you know ? a great poem and the ending was brilliant -
I liked this, the way you have described yourslef in each stanza is really uniqe, sad and almost funny (sorry if it's not intended to be funny, ive just got a twisted mind) i couldnt see anything that i would change, however the 1st and 2nd stanza's are a bit longer that the rest, but thats just my own fussyness, an enjoyable read with excellent imagery. xx
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Do you have any suggestions to make it flow better?
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This is a very interesting poem.....
I like it though.
I can definitely relate and I'm sorry you feel this way.
Great poem.
And as I said before, interesting.
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Really clever
This just so clever and fun to read. The visuals created are hilarious and haunting. Meaning? It's there, I will ponder it later. Now I will enjoy that those words were assembled as such and say,"Thanks for the thoughts and words"
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I really like the premise of this piece - boy, have I been there before! I do think that the flow feels a little off - maybe there are too many words in the first stanza. I wonder whether it would work better as"
"The sky is falling and I race
to collect pieces in my basket,
trying to catch the important stuff.
But when it comes to the sky,
which ones are most vital?"
The second stanza really caught my attention because I identify the most with it. Having to play the part...saying all the right things at the right time and remember to smile! Ugh. Nicely captured!
For whatever reason, I would combine the last two stanzas into one for finality.
In any case, lovely work! Thank you for sharing
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