On the tip of my tongue vile words linger,
Oh how I want to spit them at your face,
And let it eat at your perfection,
Let them cling to your insecuritues,
And pick away at your self confidence.
Malicious intent continues to dig at my heart.
I want you to choke on the pain your bestowed on me,
Fall through your burnt down bridges,
Drown in your own self-pity,
But I know your calious nature will soon unveil your lack of maturity.
Riches will disintegrate your facade of happiness,
Your desperation for attention will only grow more unatainable,
Broken pedestals wont hold the weight of your superiority,
And curiousity of loss will cross your mind,
Yet somehow responsiblity will manage to escape your grasps...yet again.
Author notes
Friendship is supposed to be about equality and consideration but the moment that person cant take responsibilty for his/her actions and then decides to abuse me more then I abuse myself, I no longer want and or need that person in my life.
I know this piece is kinda shitty but I still hope you can feel the emotion I put into it.
A contest entry
- Do They Really Care? by HopelessPoet1087.
750 points, ended February 24, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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i really like this poem, thank you for entering my contests. good luck :-)
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thanks =)
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huh I don't think it was too bad at all. Infact I thought you said what you were trying to say quite elegantly. You have some very poetic phrases in here that just sang out. I bet you could write a great 3 liner poem.
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great word choice! At first I felt the ongoing sentences were a bit akward...for example:
"On the tip of my tongue vile words linger,
Oh how I want to spit them at your face,
And let it eat at your perfection,
Let them cling to your insecuritues,
And pick away at your self confidence."
but I must say they grew on me
and I felt like this was one thought, rambling, ongoing and without the need for the puncuation, maybe taking out the commas all together..not sure really, just a suggestion
One other thing "I want you to choke on the pain your bestowed on me,", did you mean "you bestowed on me"?
I liked this, my fav lines were the opening ones and this one stuck with somehow "Broken pedestals wont hold the weight of your superiority,"
well done
~take care~ slightly
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I didn't even realize that I put "your" instead of "you", thanks for pointing that out and thank you for commenting.
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Fall through your burnt down bridges,
-perfection in one line.
this poem = Unbelievable..
its just the ways the words are written sends a message to my brain that they are spoken cold and soft, yet yelled at the same time.
changed my mind... stop writing. im to jealous =P -
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lol, im so glad you got the idea of these words being soft but yelled at the same time cuz those two things were going through my head while writing this. i wanted it to be interepted that way but i wasnt quite sure how to explain it but you understood! which is awesome!=)
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GREAT!!!! LOVE IT!!!
wow very powerful... i can really feel the anger... wouldn't want to mess with you..! =)
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LOL. it takes alot to get me really angry but when someone manages to get me to that point, they all wish they'd never met me.
Thanks for commenting!
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The anger blazes
Emotions fueled.
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Thank you for commenting =)
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