I am drawn to you like a moth to a flame
With great disregard to my own pain
I like the way you feel when drowning in my soul
Feelings gone crazy out of control
Teach me to wear fire,coarse through my veins
My soul is unwrapped and is for your gain
Fire breathes like venom,an ill gotten fate
Come into my castle before it's to late
Wrestle my thoughts,come into my mind
Take me to the hidden depths of mankind
Teach me to wear fire the flames bloody red
Teach me the life of the undead
Catch me in your web,just lying there in wait
Show me there is more in life then hate
A contest entry
- Teach Me to Wear Fire by Heart Sutra.
1000 points, ended December 1, 2008, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make this THE largest Contest EVER on AP [enter, enter, enter!] by Symphony.
18000 points, ended April 28, 1011 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Interesting,
Because in the start of this poem, it made me think that that the person which the 'moth' was being drawn to, was bad for them - the 'badboy' type that you'd be warned to steer clear of;
"With great disregard to my own pain"
But then, at the end, it mentions that the narrator wants to learn feelings aside from hate, and usually in a lust crazed situation, it will eventually turn to hate when it reaches the wall of no beyond - so i found that an interesting concept.
Good write though - thanks for entering *hug8 -
mind-provoking
this is definitely a poem to feed your senses. Great visuals! Love it! Especially the "I like the way you feel when drowning in my soul" Do I detect a love/hate relationship here? the only part i didnt really grasp was the "coarse thru my veins" it felt a little vague..not sure of what was coarsing thru your veins. Otherwise pretty intense.
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When it seems so easy to hate...and seems so easy to love... you must love inorder to hate. Great use of imaginary spice!! Simply resplendant!
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very nice
the contest was a good inspiration for this write and you did a good job with what I thought was described. I think we won just for reading your thoughts. Thank you for reading my work also! The Shaker
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Bravo!!!
This was a powerful piece, written
with so much passion. the imagery leaps
off the canvas. Your words struck fire
in my veins.lol What a great poem.
You did a wonderful job at expressing
your emotions. Nice
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i likethis its go real emotion i can relate
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Thank you for entering your poem into the contest. I like a lot of the imagery and what you are aiming for. Some of the language is language we have heard before i.e. "moth to a flame" so that part of the poem might not be as strong as the rest of the poem. Again, thank you for sharing.
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I really love this poem and can so well relate to much of what you wrote. best of luck to you in the contest ~Blessings always~ Trisha
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I like this. You've expressed a lot of yourself here. "My soul is unwrapped", love this!
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Quite an interesting direction you have taken with the prompt, alluring and subtly dark....I detect undertones of deeper hidden emotions....roils like storm clouds....great write
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This is a wonderful piece. It really kept my attention and peeked my interest and made me think "Hmmmm?". I really, really liked the emotional mood of this write. And these were my favorite lines:
"Wrestle my thoughts,come into my mind
Take me to the hidden depths of mankind". Thank you for posting this.
AsIThink...
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THIS POEM IS PURE PERFECTION!I love every word of it although not so fond of the background since I feel having a MORE DETAILED BACKGROUND would enhance the impact of the poem on the mind and make it altogether just pure awesomeness!You write so wonderfully but I will reccommend you pick a more visually pleasing background,font,and maybe add a picture to it from AllPosters.com!If you're not a gold member then you probably can't do that,but I still LOVE this poem!
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Your title drew me in. The third line doesn't seem to fit, because you are talking first of your own pain, and then of someone else drowning. As a whole, the poem is alluring, intoxicating. It almost reminds me of the twilight books--sorry if you haven't heard of them.
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Excellent
I absolutely love this piece.
It has depth of understanding
and humanity that few could fathom.
You are a extremely talented writer/poet
to have created this lovely poem.
Breathtaking. Lovely. Exquisite
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it's funny the effect that one's title has on other people. in the case of yours...i was drawn to it as a moth to a flame! (forgive the weak reference lol)
i can relate to this so well...this speaks to me far better than a d&m ever could
your use of metaphors is really effective...painting a poignant image in my mind - one of hope and nostalgia, with a hint of caution...
Keep on Scribin' -
Enticing expression of creative metaphors and deep hidden thoughts. The rhyming style seems quite familiar, not obstructing, but adding to the poetic message. Somehow I feel you've only begun to explore your talents in this direction. I look forward to reading more.
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I was attracted to this poem "like a moth to a flame" as this is the title of my book. It is interesting to read someone else's take on this metephor. I rather like the content of your poem but feel that the flow is a little jerky. In my opinion some lines have too many syllables but as I am no expert on forms I would take my critism as a pinch of salt. Well done and good luck in the contest. Val
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woa whats with all the aa bb cc dd poems I'm reading tonight. This is not as forced as some, but I think it sacrifices great possibility with its rigid structure. break free!
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You introduce the mood very efficiently in the first two lines, then enforcing it in the next two and then you loose me right here: "Teach me to wear fire,coarse through my veins"..... It is as if something feels out of sync(?)
What i like however is the way you compare fire with venom, also the image of an unwrapped soul, lying out in the open, so fragile, so human: a very powerful and graphic picture, well done!!!
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