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Without you

Time
without you
trickels by
my eyes
a lonely whimper.

what did you first think, how did it make you feel, whats with the name?

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Lowell Poe
    April 4

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    Very haunting and mesmerizing lass....
    shot ...like in the grand style of Yeats...
    so aware of time when were lonely....
    this makes your comment on my work valued ten fold...
    knowing what a fine writer you are.

    Blessings lass,
    Lowell Poe


  • Shacadia Shay
    March 7

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    PIXIE TAG!
    Your poem has been touched with PIXIE FAIRY DUST from The Enchanted Realm. Now it is your turn to visit a Pixie and tag that poem. I hope your life is going well, dear one.


  • GiftedPsychosis gold member
    November 10, 2008

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    This is short and I usually dislike short poems, but I like this one. It's very good.
    I like the emotion in it. You can feel it.
    Even though there aren't many words, there are many feelings and I like that :->
    So great job.


  • Bean Sidhe silver member
    November 10, 2008
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    Hmmm. The emotion that this provokes is interesting, each reader will probably offer a different take on it. I read it as sort of a bastardized haiku. And I can't help but to think that trickels is misspelled. Shouldn't it be trickles?

    Otherwise, this is a very nice piece. Thank you for sharing!


  • ShaylaSevenfold
    November 10, 2008

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    Wow

    It's really kind of odd that I stumbled upon this poem today inparticular...it kinda happens to be exactley what I'm feeling. It's short and simple, but conveys emotion well.


  • Lucian Valcor
    November 10, 2008
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    wow this was really good well done, short sweet right to the point and with a punch

    Lucian


  • JustGoWithIt
    November 10, 2008

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    I really like this. If you made this longer I think it would change everything.
    This is great.
    It mad me think like someone was crying?
    But then I thought wait its going by their eyes.
    So I don't know.
    It gave me goose bumps
    Nice job


  • Sarah957
    November 10, 2008
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    It makes me think about a puppy with sad eyes.

  • boilerjim
    November 10, 2008
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    Thought provoking

    I really like short poetry. There is a true talent to relating a message or provoking a thought in few words. I like this but I'm not sure I get it and that is OK. Time as a lonely whimper, huh? Trickel and whimper suggest slow, so without you makes time go slowly promting tears. That's what I get and I like it. Thanks for the thoughts and words.


  • LovetimesLove
    November 10, 2008

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    When away from what/who you really want to be closer with , such is lonely. Your sentiments come across well, although for emphasis, I would have added "my eyes and heart a lonely whimper echoes." Thanks for posting.

1 - 10 of 10