Stately home sits on manicured lawn,
trimmed with tamed shrubs.
Stone path bends to gracious entrance,
doorbell chimes with neighborly charm.
Foyer’s marble floor leads
to winding staircase,
crowned by large arced window.
Carol greets us warmly,
as Bailey yelps eagerly.
“Has Bob found a job yet?”
Her eyes mist, facial muscles tense.
I drive home in silence,
grateful for modest choices.
In a list
A contest entry
- PROMPTS IX - Round 2 of 2 - by Bear - by Arkbear.
500 points, ended November 19, 2008, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Best Three Pre-writes by piccola.
800 points, ended November 27, 2008, 140 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Prewrites From November 2008 by amaranthine lover.
700 points, ended December 28, 2008, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Stress (prewrites welcome) by Danna Hobart.
400 points, ended February 12, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - H.M. Trophies Only #3 by AliceinPoetryLand.
600 points, ended May 11, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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Ahh yes, we all have to trim our budgets these days, even those who have made fortunes on the stock exchange.
Thank you for this insightful entry
Gaylene
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Well that is the way of life right now with this economy... jobs are hard to find and far between for many of us. Thanks for sharing this with us. A good write.
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Excellent visualizations in this piece, you travel into the house with the writer and feel the pain of the unspoken answer to the question... Scott
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This hits close to home. I wish I hadn't purchased that new car when I did! Very well written
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Such a sad reality that the times have forced upon so many. I know how hard it must be for people to deal with the uncertainty of their future with the situation as it is.
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A wonderful poem well penned with much emotion and perfect visuals for the reader.You told this story so well and many people will be able to relate to it.So sad that this sort of thing is happeneing to a whole lot of people, always struggling to make ends meet.
I wish you well with much love and happiness.
~Anne~
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I like your descriptive powers.
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The economy is hitting everyone. When we bought our home it was at a modest price. The bank sold our mortage and interest rates sky-rocketed. Husband was injured at work and he's been on disability for months. We have no idea when the Dr. will let him return to work. He's on half pay with a supplemental insurance which helps. I can't work because of my seizures ...
It's a modest home and yet ... No marble ... no staircase .. -
I like this. I especially like the way you showed the stress this family is under, and how it affected you in the last two stanzas.
In the first stanzas, you tell, rather than show, and you use some obvious adjectives. Instead of "stately" and "manicured," I think you might find some that foreshadow where the poem is going, such as:
Overdrawn mortgages sit on lawns,
neatly cut to disguise lives
headed for disaster.
Okay, my example is overdone. I am sure you can do better.
Still, I enjoyed this. Thank you for entering. -
this is a great piece
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Ohhh awesome imagery!! I could see the whole
picture, your choice of words was picked well too.
I do believe this is the first poem I've read from
you. Not only do you create great graphics... but your penning leaves enjoyment!!
Very nicely done.
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I enjoyed this write very much. It brought to mind something that causes great sadness and I can feel my own eyes misting.
thanks for entering -
Wow......truth heard outloud here Joyce.....you bring imagery and feelings to your words like a Pro ~
I believe the setting took a weeee bit longer to develope than normal in this write.....but.....after the second read, I actually enjoyed it more, as I was placed into the shoes of that poor soul ~
Excellent take on your Prompt.....good luck & God bless you,
Bear ~
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You've captured the economic trials of the day in your own, amazing way, Aunt Joyce. You have a knack for imagery and brevity in your writing, and this is no different!
Good luck in the contest,
Zach -
So easy to envy the impressive display, yet that is so often all we see. Not both spouses working two jobs, the stress if a car needs repair or someone needs to see a doctor, the multiple strains and expense of keeping up appearances. 'Living on the edge' in so many ways.
Great imagery, I could see it all, "manicured" "gracious" "charm". A very 'telling' drive home in silence, modest choices being a real key to much of peace in financial life and security at home.
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Thanks for your comment and clappies, hon.
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I love the imagery it depicts today’s economy to a T. I wouldn't change a thing and right on target for the prompt. Great Job and Good luck in the contest. God Bless, Jo-Ann
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Thanks so much!
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Great images and depth to this! I love the '"doorbell chimes with neighborly charm' - wonderful!
I live by the rule 'if you can afford it, go buy it at 75% off sale'...lol....but NEVER got in debt that way. Could afford a beautiful place, expensive stuff - never really wanted it. I just seem to be addicted to older, second hand, used, on sale....lololol....made a nice retirement fund instead.
Love the depth to this. I think you did a great job with that prompt.
best wishes in the contest.
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THanks! You sound like you could be my husband's kin. Bill likes second hand stuff too - less waste at the dump. But when we do want something, we can afford it. AND we can live without anxiety about money, which is a great feeling.
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I think that many can relate to this times are hard for every one at the present but to be thankful for what we have is all we can be thanks for sharing be well.
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I love what you have taken for the prompt. A nice change and realistic. Good luck to you in the contest!
Hugs!!!
Cayla
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some people live well beyond their means while others just live great write my dear friend love the rev papa
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I don't think it began that way. This couple did well financially, they were not impressed with their "wealth". Sometimes (especially now) things fall apart, Housing values go down, life gets scary.
Our home is modest, our cars are old, our driveway's crumbling, but I'm grateful we're within our means, and not in debt. Next year the mortgage will be paid in full.
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