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Replay





fingers moved
keyboard of life

continuous actions
frowned on by others

expectations sat
silently in crevices
along with leftovers
from yesterday

disappointment tapped
slowly 'til anger
danced quick time

knowing
these continuous actions
would be revisited
until One hits
the delete button

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Prompt ~ unending errors

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • notorious gold member
    November 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    The comma after 'knowing' looked very weird to me, especially since the rest had no punctuation...

    "the keyboard of life"
    Seemed a tad clichéd to me, like I'd heart the line before...maybe get rid of the article, 'the'.

    ==>fingers moved across/keyboard of life

    Otherwise, this made me think simultaneously of The Matrix and well, Cheryl's writing.
    LMAO.

    Never a bad thing

    Jessica


    • fortyninereasons gold member
      November 15, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      Jessica, perhaps I should stop reading Cheryl's words?
      Thanks for the editing tips... have done them

      Juls


  • chilali
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. Amazing take on the prompt. I loved the poem and I loved the background you've used so much. It's just incredible. It added to the feel of the poem. Good luck in the contest


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Love the metaphor in this.. I could see this being applied to one's writing, or to their life in general being frowned upon. I can so relate to this. An excellent take on your prompt!


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    November 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    "Unending errors"

    Let me know if that works for you, otherwise another can be given

    PS. amazing background!!


  • Cannonsfire
    November 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Yes you may leave the room Oops hang on we don't need permission for that LMFAO!!!!!

1 - 9 of 9