Both barrels stifled breath
shooting more
than hopeless dreams
beyond what might have been.
Resolution hid in a trigger finger.
Would aim have made a difference?
A contest entry
- look deep. by Ryno.
600 points, ended November 12, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Oh, such deep and stunning metaphor here.
Sometimes destiny has us miss our targets, yet perhaps the consequences of missing turn out greater than the rewards we would have received had our shots been true... just some strange and random philosophy there =)
Loved the simple elegance of this piece.
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thank you Kyle.
I had forgotten all about this one
Much appreciated.
~Pamela
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Perhaps. But did you really want to hit that target? Maybe things would have been different then.
This is a great piece. The brevity is well penned and you did not waste one word and the ending really brings it all together.
I loved the metaphor for this situation, hopelessly shooting, hoping we just once hit that target...but nothing seems to matter.
Very creative and greatly penned. Thanks for your entry! -
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Thank you for an amazing comment and the opportunity to write. A terrific contest. ~Pamela
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You are on fire; and you word convey great depth. I am glad to have stopped by to read
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Oh Pamela, I loved the strong metaphor in this piece. A heart's labor that although succinct, speaks volumes!
All the best,
mj.
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Loose cannons are so destructive and powerful, if not aimed correctly they can destroy everything except the proper target. Very meaningful!
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Wow, short and powerful like a shot with a gun. The short and precise involvement in words definitely builds up the necessary tension to make this piece truly powerful. I simply love the question in the end. It is just like an inner monologue of a charcter in a very important scene of a novel. I love it that way... Great job and good luck in the contest.
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