endless summer days
pure joy of friendship,
skipping down the street...
appearing suddenly
out of control
forcefully striking
crimson flow-
he lay twisted
face down
awakening the sombre,
altering our lives forever
Author notes
The picture is "Happiness" by 1Durden1, deviantart.com
revised & edited.
In a list
A contest entry
- Mental Asylum [INVITE ONLY] by Never Fall in Love.
1750 points, ended June 11, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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scarey good
I liked this alot and, momentarily, felt bad for liking it... it has impact.
Bam, _. ___ _.
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Thanks so much for reading this one. I appreciate your comment & applause.
I can understand feeling bad for liking it. It was difficult for me to write.
Jeannette
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You took a very simple, vivid picture and gave it a very dark twist - I really like that
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poet
a nice piece of writing young poet. clear images and thoughtful words. well done. pen on young poet. -
You commented on my poem so I thought I’d drop by your house for a visit. I’m glad I did!
My AP sister "Never Fall in Love" always seems to invite the best poets to her contests and you certainly fit in that category. This poem simply embraces the dark genre; you have in just a few simple words captured the reader’s attention and pulled at the heartstrings with angst and pain. Well done!
Love,
Amera♥
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a minimalist presentation in a somber tone with "dark" at the end- you may be subtracted points for literally using the word "dark" however- in the telling rather than the showing...
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Well that would drive on to the asylum losing a child like that. Wonderful imagery though and a perfect match with the photo attached.
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Stark....
sad, gripping. Well done.
I wasn't ready for this! 
I'm sure this will do well in the Contest. The write is a perfect match for the pix. Now I'm going to sleep sorrowful!
Powerful impact in a short piece.
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Lovely write that turned from happiness to sadness in such a short time. I like the photo, but it reminded a little of a picture i saw during the vietnam war...just for a fleeting second. Marvelous piece that certainly had the emotion in it to get to the reader. Good luck in the contest.
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your ending lines were effective,
as was the lonesome "he lay fatally injured"
simple enough to stir emotional responce without much thought
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excellent~
Life can turn upside down in just a few seconds..
You have penned it so in this poem
The last two lines are a clencher
Best of luck in the contest
Hugs
Your sis always
Susan~~~
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OMG~
Holy Moly this one swells the eyes and tears cannot help but fall
Powerful piece You have Voiced!!
I was reading and my jaw dropped but they always do when inhaling Your words~
Excellent!!
I'm happy to be back and streaking across
Your page
Thank You for sharing Your Heart and Spirit~
Many blessings to You in all You do Sweet Soul
Best wishes in the contest too
with much love & light~ Desire~*~
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Hope things are going better now where you are my friend...
Live by the second isn't that what they say? Because it can always be the last....
Hope you can deal with all
XXJeannette
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Ahhhhhhhhhhh how fast our lives can change by one incident? Your thoughts and feelings are shared openly. May you recover, never let life pass you by. Have wonderful day, my friend.
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I like the ending a lot. Very good
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