Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

shattered moments

it takes an hour just to breathe - -

the moon is curdled,
no longer swaying in tune
to the melody of the ocean.

I lie here, hiding behind
folded skin and protruding thighs,
praying for disjunction.

there is such bliss here
in the gaps where the sky
split open and sucked me inside

(they called it a mercy killing-)

wrapped the excuse up
and tied it with severed nerves,
tucking it beneath my chin
with an exhausted pat on the head.

my eyes were caving in,
sewing piano wire around
weather-beaten irises-
like butterfly stitches
that pull the craters together
and match up the shredded synapses.

they filled the hole with concealer,
marked the sunken in areas
with lavender & wiped the sweat
from my chest - - -




"you're a woman now."




Author notes

I chose the title option: "shattered moments"

color me silent

In case I didn't quite convey this, it's about female genital mutilation

In a list

A contest entry

kind but constructive criticism please.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 8 of 8
  • Great Write :)

    I just joined this site today a little while ago,,
    and read so many Awesome writes


  • ArmyBrat17
    March 10
    Edit | Reply
    wow that was an amazing write. it was so beautiful and deep keep it up

  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    December 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Love the image of a moon being curdled, really well done.

    You have some very good imagery inside these lines but there are places where it almost overflows just a little bit.

    The topic is sharp, the emotion quite tangible and scary. Overall this piece is very well done


  • kitsmith
    November 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I was wondering what it was, to be honest, but now I understand. I actually didn't know what that was til the other day when it was mentioned in church. This is sad, but great wording. Thank you.


  • Grunts Girl gold member
    November 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    'wrapped the excuse up
    and tied it with severed nerves,
    tucking it beneath my chin
    with an exhausted pat on the head.'

    the entire piece to me was felt there.


  • Ryan79
    November 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    ouch

    This is really dark. I don't know what else to say. It makes me feel so bad.


  • tsukiyo
    November 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    O____O you made it sound more painful in this poem than you did yesterday when you were telling me about it T_T DDX
    congrats on the poem though, I like it, even though its creating mental pain! lol, awesome job though, the use of detail in what happens definitely creates an image of whats going on.

    good luck in the contest!

    ∞ Anneliese ∞


  • c e ll a r . d oo r
    November 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow. this was bold! i love that you touched so uniquely & so strongly on such a painful issue. this is something that needs to be out in the open & its just... it baffles me that you wrote about. lol. because not many people would have the guts.





    & you did an amazing job ♥


    good luck in your contest!

1 - 8 of 8