Sometimes
I just can’t close my eyes
Cause I’m scared
That when I open them again
There will be no world
That all I knew was a dream
A dream of nothing
Just a wish for a life
I’m not deserved to live
In a world
I’m not suppose to know
That been saved by a God
I’m not worthy to worship
A contest entry
- look deep. by Ryno.
600 points, ended November 12, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
I felt as though this piece lacked a lot. Imagery - I felt the whole write was "telling" and that we needed more images to go off, to picture this undeserving world. Creativity - most of the piece felt very cliche to me, and I have read pieces like it before. Emotion - while your raw emotion was great, I could not find myself connecting to the sentiments in the piece because they just did not feel fully portrayed.
That said though, this is still a great piece for depicting the greatness and power of God, who created this wonderful earth.
Thank-you for the write
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