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the me

there is no deeper than
when i am real
but i am seldom
let me find that small piece of was that
will somehow satiate
that
true and always is
and play the field with glasses
be the news
and let me be
but only in small doses

toxic waste and bitter
inexcusably the me

 

 

 

 

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • notorious
    November 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "of was that"<==nice.

    "be the news
    and let me be"
    Oh...
    I love it.

    Not sure I like 'inexcusably' in the last line; I like its meaning, but not the way it flows...

    maybe I need to reread it.

    Jessica


  • cheaphotelsign
    November 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    have i ever told you how much i love your writing...? probably once or twice. this is so phucking good...makes me salivate for some reason...you said once that sometimes you wished you'd written something of mine...well buddy- this is one i wished i'd penned...i love your work 'cause i understand it...this totally made me grin like i got away with something...love love it


  • Cannonsfire
    November 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Deep or shallow we are all after the same thing you know C


  • Ryno
    November 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "let me be, but only in small doses"

    That is genious line, very strong and captures your feelings.

    Felt as though the wording and the phrasing in the piece was very confusing and that it abdoned the flow... it left me hanging and stumbling the whole way. Maybe that is what you were attempting to do, but it just didnt pull threw I felt.

    However, I still liked the exploration of who we truly are and who we actually are ... are they the same, vise versa-ed? Maybe who we actually are is who we truly are ?

    Thanks for the entry


  • DolceVito gold member
    November 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent write, enjoyable read.


  • cg-frogz
    November 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I liked the poem.
    toxic waste and bitter
    My favorite line.

  • TheCorrodedBreed
    November 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is very intriguing.

    Let me be, but only in small doses

    I love that. That's a line I really wish I had thought of.

    Great job and good luck.

1 - 7 of 7