intolerable hours
hanging heavy on the shoulders
like a well-worn cloak chafing and stinking
feet worn through from
caged tiger melodrama
we gleam keen and bright in the darkness,
swift and silent,
beneath our crippled seeming
we hide dragon's talons
and searing eyes.
why the hated collar?
why the endless hateful interminable
WAITING?
let me paint for you
zebra-stripe shadows across our face
pacing of the body, not just the heart,
sub-zero people all around,
each with his own little exhibit in the human zoo.
do you want to become
their next latest attraction?
the time has not yet come
for blood to fall as rain,
for the cleansing to begin
the cancers must be sliced away,
but not before the Time!
it hurts, it gnaws, it slices,
but we must
endure
if we hope to fulfill
our dharma...
Author notes
Back when I was psychotic I had this argument with myself all the time. I was very fragmented, so it really was like two different 'people' inside arguing, even though both were me. Different parts of me. It was quite strange. Life sucks and then you die, for the rules.
This is free verse reply poetry. I like the reply form because you can blend other forms into it, but it's still a form of its own. Essentially, the first stanza presents a viewpoint or idea, and the next stanza argues with or replies to it. It's an internal dialogue, a conversation with yourself in poem form.
Evil angels are the best kind.
A contest entry
- Updated Reply Poetry. by DarkWind.
1766 points, ended December 2, 2008, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Talking to yourself 2 by Janice M Pickett.
1200 points, ended November 15, 2008, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poetry Styles Contest by Visit.Me.On.Mars.
700 points, ended January 11, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - loneliness by katie-jo.
550 points, ended February 16, 78 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Mixed Emotions by hotchocolate.
700 points, ended February 9, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Forms/Dirty Pretty by the evil angel.
400 points, ended May 10, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Not what I was looking for. I'm terribly sorry but freeverse was not something I was looking at. I want specific rules. Do you ever follow a specific form? Because if so I would love to see it. But I must ask that you remove this poem because it doesn't fit what I was looking for (I only recently realized that people would enter freeverse, so I changed the rules to fit that. Sorry for the confusion). Although this poem is wonderful and I hate to have to do this.
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Frequently. I use haiku/senryu, pantoum, rictameters, various made-up stuff involving syllable counting ... I even wrote a rhyme recently (abccba).
I thought reply poetry counted as a form, personally. It has rules, albeit not many. It must have an even number of stanzas. The first stanza must present a viewpoint, idea, concept, et cetera, which the second stanza must then reply to, contest, et cetera. I also thought that was in the AN, but if it is, you must disagree. I chose this one precisely because I think it's cool that reply poetry is a form you can blend other forms into. I happened to do this one free verse but it could have been any of the above.
Sorry if I was incorrect in thinking you'd be interested in the idea of reply poetry for this contest. -
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It counts as a form in a way but I'm trying to get everybody to stay away from freeverse. I want something with specific rules. I'm sorry because I really do like this poem a lot.
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This is a good one here and written well. Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest
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Wow this is almost confusing, but I imagine it would be much worse to be the one having the argument. It's almost frightening to think of.
I really liked the style and form of this, it has amazing flow.
Thank you so much for entering the contest, and for bringing a different kind of loneliness into the contest.
--red -
Well done and thank you for sharing
---Janette -
Thanks for this. It;s a dreaful feeling. I do hope you are better now.
Thanks for the entry
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thank your for following rules, I love this and it strikes the heart of my contest well done. I have argued with myself in the same way many times.
Stars guide you home.
DW
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